ln june, 1940, the nobel laureate.. ..shri rabindranath tagorehad mentioned about his story.. ..choker bali that he had alwaysregretted the end of this story. dear friend, lakshmi. knowing that the weddingceremony of your daughter.. ..binodini has been fixed.. ..gives me immense pleasure. l take an oath ofthe goddess lakshmi.. ..my dear friend, evenif you take my life away..
..please do not misunderstand me. your daughter binodini isvery cultured and accomplished. and she has been worthy in allrespects to become my daughter-in-law. but educated youths oftoday do not care for anyone. where do theylisten to their elders? l continue to burn inthe fire of repentance.. ..which has arisen due tomy son mahendra's mistake.. ..of rejecting this alliance. although not my own progeny,behari is no less than my own son.
l had hoped that he wouldlisten to this unfortunate soul.. ..but he refused, too. l apologize forthis behaviour of his. now, on binodini'smarriage to bipin. l send her ornaments,sweets and fifty rupees. my heartfelt prayers.. ..that she enjoyslife-long wedded bliss. your friend raj lakshmi. binodini becomes a widowwithin one year of her marriage.
are you expected toremain uncovered like this? this place is verydifferent from your father's house. do you intend to stay on here? now that your husband's no more,do you still wish to live here? you have no choice. was he ailing? what happened? something in his stomach. we call it.. 'pleha'.
l mean, 'piley'. you mean, spleen? yes, spleen. his spleen became very large. my dear, you must notlose touch with your books before l forget. your favorite chocolates. you are allowed tohave them still, l hope. thank you.
don't worry, my dear.there's no animal fat or lard. (extract from a famous bankimnovel about a renegade widow) rohini was in the full blush ofyouth, her beauty over-flowing.. ..as the full moon init's glowing autumnal phase. widowed very young, she floutedthe strictures placed on widows. she wore black-bordered saris,bangles, chewed betel-leaf perhaps.. ..her culinary skills couldmatch the legendary draupadi's. and her unrivalled artistry.. she wasexcellent in preparing delicacies. who else could paint suchlovely floor decorations..
..or make intricate ornaments,flowers, toys and embroidery? she alone knew how to stylecoiffures and adorn brides. these very accomplishmentsdrove her to her death. god will surelypunish a widow who strays. god doesn't issue the deathpenalty so easily, ma. judges do. you're aware thatsir bankim was a judge? when you write a novel,some colur has to be added. would stories on dull widowslike us, appeal to the young? no chance. women in bankim's novelsare dull, not one knows english.
lf that's what you wanted, whydid you reject bipin's wife? the novel is 'rajmohan's wife',not 'bipin's wife.' rajmohan? his name's bipin. you disregardedbipin's wfe's photograph. ma, you'll be arrested. do youwant me to marry someone else's wife? l told you she's accomplished..learnt english from a white tutor. she also went to an englishstudio to get herself photographed. such friendship thatboth of you turned her down. widow in a year, poor girl.
contact her again. sucharguments in college today. mahendra ranting that if at all hemarries, it should be to a widow. l had to turn back, madam,couldn't reach the market place. such crowds on the streets. naren dutta passed away. who? the monk of belur math theashram full of tonsured monks. not a single vehicle can pass. swamiji!
l had seen him recently.not even 40, gone so young! with your mentor gone, willyou shave your head too, behari? l'm going home. shall l send the vessels back? will the demise of yourascetic guru end your celibacy? respected gurudev, ltouch your feet in reverence. you are aware of the ups anddowns of my troubled life. lt's my good fortune that youremember this lowly disciple. you are omniscient.
you know everything by thevirtue of your yogic powers. whatever happens is bygod's and your will. my orphaned niece,ashalata lives with.. ..her paternal uncle,the local guardian. he comes to me with hermarriage proposal for behari. he feared that she wouldremain a life-long spinster. l was stupid to have sent my sonlike behari to choose the girl. mahendra, being a close friend,escorted behari to ashalata's home. on seeing ashalata, mahendradecided to marry her instead.
on mahendra's pleas, lrequested behari to give her up. behari stepped aside graciously. mahendra's wedding toashalata was duly concluded. l know that a lifepartner is predestined. the almighty and yourselfwould be the only ones.. ..to know the ties these newlyweds had in the previous birth. l berate myself for thehurt l have caused behari. you're all seeing ofthe future and the past. l beg you to shower blessings onbehari that he may find peace.
l seek pardon for my sinsand shelter beneath your feet. l remain your humble disciple,annapurna. you didn't go tocollege today as well can't you drop thatmincing manner either? people will say l'm bad. that lkeep you away from your books. what people? tell me! will you take me to thekali temple next saturday? to offset people calling you bad?
while drawing water from the well,my gold chain fell in. l tied a knot in mysari in the lord's name.. ..promising to offer prayers atthe temple if the chain was found. yesterday it was retrieved. why should you draw the water?where's the maid? let her be. must l sit idle all day? won't people say l'm bad? tell me, who are they?you haven't told me yet. my uncle, for instance.
he trained me well tomanage my husband's home. lf he hears that l am notdoing so, won't he feel insulted? that's an insult? tricking somebodyto marry a girl isn't an insult? what trick? l was told that you could sing.that day when l asked.. behari asked me not to. ok. then go to behari. lf people label you bad,do not blame me. what shall l sing?
just singing won't do.l'll inspect your heels.. ..your teeth.. ..hair, in steps. l first saw you onsomeone else's behalf. or would l have letyou off so easily? lf you take your feet away.. ..people will say you're bad. all these areexcuses to skip college. ln college..
..do you know what l do? what? l examine women's heels.. ..their hips.. ..their chests. then don't go! from where did you bringthis witch into my family? she's made a meek lamb of my son. asha, open the door.
where's asha? she's resting, slight stomachache.make her some barley, aunt. tell him that barley is allthey'll get day and night. ln a house where deitiesare worshipped daily.. ..l won't tolerate fishbones strewn around bedrooms. witch! madam lakshmi, pleasedon't get angry and leave. where did she go, aunty? to her country home.
rajlakshmi goes back toher native village. binodini who staysthere supports her. what a sinful habityou have taught me! l now crave fortea every afternoon. take it as a remedy for headache.you'll not feel guilty. that's no excuse. can a brahmin widow have tea?that which the english consume!? tea is not made by the white. close the windows. thelight burns my eyes.
don't misunderstand me. having servants haslead to my giving orders. l don't like stirring an inch. why should you when l'm here?order and l'll obey. that's not correct. youhave your own household. neglecting all that totend to an old woman. my household is in two rooms,which l attend to in the morning. what do you do the rest of the day? have your tea orelse it'll get cold.
who's there to chat with at home? you have a new daughter-in-law.ls she a quiet sort? only in my presence. she's locked in the bedroom allday, casting spells on my son. turned him into a sheep. then she must be beautiful. thin as a stick. brides tend toget plump after getting married. this one sold her flesh to thebutcher in her previous birth. next to her, my sonlooks like lord kartikeya!
won't he visit here?l would see him then. l also thought that they'd come. earlier he wouldn'teat until l served food. from that day till date.. ..he's not asked once,if l'm dead or alive. l have a letter fromcalcutta from mahendra. l met the postman on my way. you should have told me earlier.l blamed him for no reason. where is it?
lt's not addressed to you. who then? the envelope says,beharilal chowdhury. the one who escorted me here? heprobably thinks behari is here. will you hand him theletter on your return? why? read it out. read someone else's letter? listen! reserve thisdecorum for your own home. lt's from my son. l mustknow whether he is well.
god forbid, if something's wrong!should it stay unread, while l worry? lf it offends you,someone else can read it to me. my dearest friend behari.. l thought that the muse ofpoetry had abandoned me.. ..when yoursister-in-law came into my life. from her point of view,this is life. but in these sweets moments,today, l see that this is not so. we were asleep in bed when theclock of the armenian church.. ..loudly declared that it was 3 a.m.
l got up, lit a lampand sat at my desk. should l put itback in the envelope? don't mind my harsh words, dear. your tea's cold. like a thief with great stealth.. ..from under the coverof the mosquito net.. ..observing the beauty of yoursister-in-law in her sleep.. ..whether fromhabit or inspiration.. ..l penned a fewformal exchanges to my love.
the lady to whom theselines are addressed.. ..will not be able toread the poetic flow.. ..of my english verse. l know your sister-in-law will notbe able to understand the feeling. so l am sending itto you in trepidation. yours ever, mahendra. l live in hope, sweet hope.. ..in thy embrace such joy l found. me thought l lay ina vale of asphodel.
whose honey odorsyet doth me surround. a dizzy drought of blissthat never shall quell.. bless me, but this is a love poem.ln a man's hand too, binodini. lt is not to me. ltell you truly, sister. lt is my friend asha's. she cannot read english so.. really, you girls!well now, let's see. which is the partyou find difficult? some of the words..like this word, 'bower'.
l know what 'bow' means, but.. lts pronounced bower, dear. come,let's read it together. thy ruby lips, like a raindrenched passion flowers. thy blushing cheeks,like blooming roses. dear me! this is a verypassionate poem indeed. who gave it to your friend? lt is from her husband,sister. he likes writing poetry. she cannot read english at all.so she gave it to me. perhaps we should not readpoetry from a husband to his wife.
please, sister, l promised her. thy honey skin, likelove's golden power. thy lucid eyes withvelvet sheen o'er spread. you find lines likethese in many english poems.. ..where the loved oneis compared to flowers.. ..and her beauty, to thevarious aspects of nature. but this young man seems towrite with genuine feeling, l think. raj lakshmi returns tokokatta and bring binodini along. ls this bungalow no.7?
which is no.7 then? of which lane? 7, darjipara street. no, this is no.10. you speak english? how long does ittake to learn english? depends on how muchyou want to learn. a white lady taught you english?weren't you scared? more so when l found lcouldn't study after marriage.
my mother-in-law would disapproveeven if l studied in the afternoon. she was right, so why blame her? l guess you are right. no one ever told you?no one warned you? about what? and my aunt says l'm a fool. lf only she had met youbefore you got married! aunt? my mother-in-law's sister-in-law.
and if she had met me? she'd have stopped you from learningenglish and you'd not be like this. no one seems to be there.ls aunt lakshmi sleeping? no, she is in her room. go! - he's gone tosee my mother-in-law. l was told that he comes straightto you the minute he gets home. you thought that was him?he's behari. my brother-in-law. l can't see his face. lt's the dim light. those creepers..
that's no excuse. ltis a south-facing room. south facing rooms aresupposed to be airy and well lit. let me know when thegardener comes tomorrow. don't do anything beforechecking with him first. he has such a temper! doesn't look like itfrom the photograph. that's because he is posing- all smiles. one day suddam bought tobacco leavesfor me to keep in the bookcase. l somehow tucked them underthe pillow and went to sleep.
lt happened to be hispillow and reeked of tobacco. he was furious, sulking all night. books too will reek withthe tobacco leaves in there. don't you have any naphthalene?- what? tell you husband to getyou some naphthalene balls. lt's too difficult. you tell him. do you have pen and paper? will you be here for sometime? as long as you don't throw me out.
lt will be such fun if you stay. l can't read books in the cabinet.you can read them out to me. so, you were supposedto be behari's bride? yes. do you regret nothaving married him? why should l? god does everything for our good. ls that so? l was widowed within ayear of marriage. for my good.
really! l can't understandwhy you had to learn english. otherwise, you'd be happilyliving with your husband somewhere. we wouldn't have met. or maybe l'd be here andyou'd be somewhere else. how could that be? you mother-in-law wanted me as abride for her son. do you know that? ls that so? why didn't it happen? you just said that goddoes everything for our good. l thought we'd be bosom friends.lt's almost like we're co-wives.
lf l want a gift,will you get it for me? you must buy it for me. a necklace of ivory beads? l've written it down. a shopping list? l'll get it. naphthalene? will you get it for me? why suddenly?
so that the book cabinet willnot smell of tobacco leaves. who told you? someone. who wrote this? the same person. this isn't behari's writing. you think that onlyboth of you know english? l'd like to know who wrote this. my best friend.
when did she become your friend? this evening. the name? l can't give that away. ok. the pet name then? choker bali. (sand in the eye) 'there's the hand my trusted friend' 'and gives the hands on eye' 'will take a cup of pines yet'
'for all lands eye' 'for all lands eye, my dear.' 'for.. all.. lands.. eye.' sister! open the door! thecreepers have been cut. come in aunt annapurna. aunt lakshmi has a headache. mahendra isn't home. theyare cutting the creepers. l told them to do so.
there's no sunlight in their room. that's ok then. l thoughtshe didn't know about it. ls the headache bad? shalll massage your forehead? no, sister, sit here. shut the door, dear. tell them to stop fussingover the trees being cut. some tea, sister. tea?- yes. binodini has taught meto drink afternoon tea.
with every sip, l think of you. not for me. l won't. you carry on. no, l won't be the lone-outcaste.lf l'm one, you go with me. whoever said that bydrinking tea you lose your caste? taste it aunt. leave it,if you don't like it. ugh! lt tastes of basil-juice. dopeople actually hanker for this? l quite like it. l felt alittle sinful at first but.. ..she said and she's read a lot.that the scriptures don't forbid it.
l hear that the learnedvidyasagar and our scriptures too.. ..say that that even widowremarriage is not a sin. yet, our young widows are stillmade to observe rigid penance.. ..such as giving up fishand meat. widow's fast.. has this changed one bit? my english tutor said that asin is not a sin if you repent. that's what the christians say.will it hold for a hindu's sin? each religion has it's own rules.since tea is a christian thing.. ..one must observe their tenets.
had your english ladytold you what penance is? not penance, but remorse.you confess your sin to god. holy mother! l'm abrahmin widow addicted to tea! this is a grave sin!god, forgive me! badi maa! that's behari. wait a second. hide all this! quick! no need. hand me the cup.aunt, open the door, please.
do you know that they'retearing down the creeper? why? you let them? lt was becoming a jungle. she said that trimmingit would make it neater. l'm told that she iseducated and she reads newspapers. l assume she is not unawareof jagdish bose's discovery.. ..that plants are living things too. that viewpointleads to other issues.
why make widows stopeating fish, our staple diet? stop bickering, you two! the tree is being trimmed.lt will grow back again. lt seems that behari hascome prepared to say a lot. l suggest that he be seatedand get it all off his chest. we can organize tea as well.lf you want some, say so. very well, too. tea is a leaf too. lt has life. do you mind if we boil it?
your naphthalene. no, these are ivory beads. should l get them strung? l knew you'd prefer the other. such pretty things. whyhide them in bookcase? looks tasty, like meringue balls. stop. they are poisonous. don't leave them around. do l keep them in this velvet?
lf they stay in costly velvet,where do l keep you? what if insects biteyour honeydew skin? come. try this on. lt's what a whitewoman wears! how can l? women jump in to thefire for their husbands won't you wear ablouse to please me? lf l dress like a white lady,won't people snigger? don't wear it in public.wear it just for me. bali is also brave like you.
both of you will make a lovely pair. you can't always make me wear this.l must learn to do it myself. l can't sleep in thisclumsy thing all night! your husband willundo it anyway, bali. don't worry about that. you are wicked, bali. will you sew blouses likethis for my dolls, bali dear? l'll practice on themand learn to wear it. observe well and you'll learn.
take it off. l'll show you. what's this? bruised all over. tell me, how do lcope with such a devil? lsn't he stronger than me? you need mental andphysical strength to say no, bali. l told him to stop. he saidthat even gods are known to do it. ln kalidasa's book,lord shiva gave parvati.. enough, l mentionedit for your own good. the day they turn septic,your doctor husband..
..will also be notable to heal them. bali, please don't go. lpromise not to do it again. just show me once againhow to wear this blouse. you won't do it again? promise? l swear. today's your first anniversary.what if he forces you tonight? l'll tell him, bali forbids it. oh no, what do l say then? please tell me, bali.
close the door. tell him it's inauspicious to removewedding clothes on an anniversary.. ..and l shan't take of this blouse. did you see how it's worn? 'ln anticipation oftheir imminent meeting.' 'radha sits wide eyed,afraid to sleep.' 'she sits in the bower of bliss.' 'but that dark one hasn't come yet.' what happened? whydon't you close the door.
sorry, l cannot. bali will feel bad. 'hasn't come yet.' 'that rogue, thewanderer of the woods' 'that dark one hasn't come yet.' consult the almanac forthe time of the ritual. 'lf that rogue showsup at night's end.' 'l'll tell himyou're late, go away.' 'the dark one hasn't come yet.'
bali, bali! where has that pot gone? ma'am.! you are being calledfor the widow's ritual. happy dashera! greetings! l've two proposals. one. we're submitting ajoint protest. will you sign? a protest in englishagainst the english?
the british will notunderstand if we protest in bengali. read before you sign! there is nothing that youcan cheat out of a widow. you don't seem to havecovered many people! there isn't onesignature of a woman. l did try. but most ofthem can't sign their names those who can are afraid. of the british? no, of their poor handwriting.
proposal two is from mahendra. he has arranged for a picnicthis saturday, in the garden-house. l won't go. better tell mahendra yourself. don't l have my own wishes? must l go by his? you can't have it all your way. you had the tree cut down.that's your punishment. what should be the penaltyfor cutting down the tree?
for now, making tea for us. l've heard praises ofyour tea from behari. no, bali will not. shegets no rest at home. she's here to enjoy herself. then why don't you make it? think l can't? bali, sit here.l'll call you if need be. 'salutations to the motherland.' have the swings been put up yet? better tie behari to the tree!
hearing the procession,he will rush to join it. l'm not such a spoilt sport yet.or l'd have opted out by now. bipin pal's meeting wasfixed for this morning lnform me when bipin pal addresses ameeting. l'll come along with you. bali, l told you not useyour husband's name in vain. 'at dawn we picked flowers happily.played the flute swinging carefree.' 'we sang beneaththe flowering tree.' 'then all at once, one fine day.who knows, why we parted ways? 'should we meet again? please stay.'
read anything new lately? reading? l barely scan the newspaper. dear friend, l don't knowwhat it is to be a family man? the taj mahal has been sold.have you heard? lt was not sold. the east lndia company hastaken it over for a paltry sum. a man who loved his wife andraised a monument in her honor.. ..is a private affair.
must the company acquire that too? what do you mean by private affair? lf love is displayedwith such flamboyance.. ..it better bepreserved for posterity. the monument was falling apart. the company has taken charge of itto repair and maintain it properly. behari, will you please come?your sister-in-law is calling you. do you wrestle? no.
then do you exercise with dumbbells? because his name is behari,must the poor man be a wrestler? why? ram mohan roy alsoused to wrestle and exercise. he also stopped the evilpractice of the burning of widows. behari, do something forthis damsel in distress. l am trying to do the same, sister-in-law wants me to pick lotus-blossoms. ln the mahabharata,draupadi had once asked bhima.. ..to get a lotus with a fragrancethat carried a thousand miles. now, that's the only socialreform yet to be legalized!
polyandry!- woman allowed five husbands! the burning of widowshas been prevented. widow remarriage is now permitted. what remains is polyandry. behari, take thiscause right up your sleeve! without that you won't becalled 'wrestler behari'. l know what he will be called. binodini's behari. may l sit here, please?
my pleasure. something in my foot. a thorn, l think. let me see. l'll manage. pleasedon't touch my feet. one can touch feet out ofrespect and also as a doctor. allow me. a doctor has his fee, whichas a poor widow, l can't pay. heard of charitable dispensaries?quite common in villages.
l have. but l don't accept charity. pay me later. l'll behere and so will you. why didn't you go the pond? behari's juvenile anticsdon't amuse me anymore. he's always showing off. lt's not his fault. bali wanted them, so l asked him. here's your thorn - a proofthat my treatment has ended. look bali. behari hasgot so many flowers for me.
lt's six months since you have come. this must be the first time thatyou've stepped out of the house. six months? lt was the fourth monday ofthe lunar month of shravan. really! lts good to know that someonecared to note my arrival details. on that very day, a guestmoved in to stay with me. so l am able to remember. man or woman?
he's a seven-year-old. won't you ever marry, behari? are you mad? why, why do you call it madness? what if the wedding meals fallshort? everyone will blame me. don't invite anyone! how can the wedding beheld without witnesses? l'll be there as a witness.l don't want a feast. can l remove the swings?lt's time to get back.
'who can ever forget thememories of yesterday?' 'we, like sand caught in the eye,stayed glued, day after day.' who'd say that the okra was tried toperfection by this slip of a girl? the outer part green and fresh,the inner crisp and crunchy. ls that yourdaughter-in-law's younger sister? yes, that's manorama. quiteunlike her no-good sister.. ..who can't even fry potatoes! they emerge soggy and damp,not crisp as l do them. what doesn't she know?for instance..
..how to prepare the sweet dishand food for offering in the rituals. how many priests must be fedon the last day of the llu puja? had she been to school,she'd have graduated with honors. will you proposeher name to behari.. ..and see if he isinterested in marrying her? l would have be overjoyed had hementioned about his own marriage. that's my worry. who will lookafter that bohemian when l die? put some sugar on it. quick! of course, he'll marry. she willhave him under her spell in no time.
no mothers-in-law, no sisters-in-law. the way iss all clear. tying a man to hiswife's sari is no big deal. shall l book anauspicious day next month? how will you change what'sin your fate, dear girl? cut your finger or your heart.nothing will change. how did you cut yourselfso badly? the fish slicer? are you a detective or a doctor?bali, ask behari to come. l'm dressing it with tincture. lf you don't mind travelingin the same carriage with me..
..l'll take you to the hospital. why must you escort her?why not consult behari? you two decide. who'll beher doctor? behari or me? your backache worries me. youstill can't manage the stairs. your food is sent up.you're missing college. how can you takeher to the hospital? send for behari. he'llget here tomorrow morning. don't blame if gangrene sets inand her arms have to be amputated. don't worry, mahendra.
women are tough. theydon't give in that easily. tell me where thehospital is. l'll go on my own. bali's right. youshouldn't strain your bad back. dear bali! l didn't mean that. how would l let you go alone? l didn't think thatit was that serious. of course, he'll go with you. as a man, he should.you better get ready! there is no flower.. nofruits over there. only..
who's going out so late at night? sadhucharan! bali has cut her finger.he took her to the hospital. hospital, for a cut in the finger? lf infected, her arm may be cut off! you should have stopped them. your husband likesto fuss. that's why? women often cut theirfingers and home remedies work. did you call?
did he say when he'd be back? sorry to keep you waiting.we were at supper. ls anything wrong? good evening, dr.graham. sorry to disturb youat this late hour.. ..but this is an emergency. l see! ls she in trouble? l'm afraid so, doctor. there's been a terrible accident.
ls she a relative? no. she is my wife's friend.she's staying in our house. a serious matter. then wemust deal with it at once. yes, sir. we must act at once. all right. let's proceedwithout further delay. please tell the lady to go inside. tell her that thereis no need to be afraid. my wife will be there all the time. thank you, doctor.
anna, get the hot water ready. but first, l must askyou a few questions. how many months agodid this accident happen? months? lt was just today. l've just cut my hand. that's all. you must forgive my husbandfor jumping to conclusions. but young widows in trouble comingto us, is not so uncommon at all. but did the servant not explain? yes, he did. but onecan never be sure.
'cutting the hand'may just be a code word.. ..for something far more serious. meaning? when a man-servant comes to us andsays a lady has a bad toothache.. ..we know now that it maybe a delivery case. - oh no! yes, indeed! so wehave to go prepared. lt took some time to get usedto all your roundabout rules but you should know about that. what did you say whenyou had labor pains?
labor pains? me? never! no children? l'm sorry. then suddenly blossoms ofall kinds, so numerous, they.. ..could not easily be counted.white, blood red, yellow, indigo. ln the forest, blossom huescatch the eye from all sides. thank you, madam.- you're welcome. be careful with that hand. don't worry, doctor. l'll makesure she takes good care of it. come on. let's go now.
thank you. good night! good night doctor.- good-bye, young man. l would advise you totake very good care indeed. we don't want anymore accidents, do we? they just put ointment and abandage. this took so long? mahendra, they shouldhave amputated my hand. then bali would believethe time was well spent. bali, did l say that? what comes over you at times?
can you eat with the injuredfinger or shall l feed you? l don't fell like eating, bali. you go and sleep. tell me truthfully. swear that you love me the most. that you love me more than yourmedical profession, your studies,.. .. your friends, morethan anything or anybody. l'd given you a magnet once.haven't seen it for a while. lost it, haven't you?
gentle lady.. l'm so delighted toreceive your letter.. ..which you sent through maqbool. this letter reflects your maturity. won't you close the door? you do it. my back's aching. possible that you havebecome too delicate in.. ..the constant company of books. and thus you do not acceptmy gentle and decent behaviour..
..which is otherwise praised.. ..and you mock at it, howeverl still cannot resist.. ..the temptation toprove my gentlemanliness. you had said that you would visitmy place. lf this doesn't happen.. ..then not only will myhousse miss your arrival.. ..but the test of mydecent and noble behaviour.. ..will also getpostponed indefinitely. ls your back hurting a lot?- yes. just let me know whenyou want to visit me.
my untidy, unrulyhouse is nonetheless mine. lt may not pass muster withsomeone as accomplished.. ..in household chores as you. please give me prior intimidation. l look forward to thepleasure of your visit. cordially, behari. mahendra. your wife has suddenly sent anurgent note calling us over. any idea why this urgency?
why all this madness? don't you like to dress up? no, l don't. l'm used to it now. but l like to dress you up.you're not going out. why not dress up alittle in private? why should l do it in secret? are jewels male thattouching them, is a sin? l'd like to give away this necklace.
my husband doesn'tlike me wearing it. he gets angry, does he? this is behari's wedding gift to me. he doesn't object openly, butit's clear that it upsets him. lf you must give it away,why not to me, bali? what will you do with it?- l'll keep it safely. you have jewelsgifted to you by mahendra. let behari's gift be with me. 'wearing garlands of flowers.'
'wearing blue veils.' 'red bridal powderadorning the parting of the hair.' 'friend, take radha along.' 'look who's coming.. ..on gentle feet,krishna approaches.' 'a voice gently singing..' l said to wait till l called foryou. why did you come before calling? amazing! you look beautiful in jewels.
no, absolutely not. she looks lovely the way she is. l presume this is your bali's whim? my own silly fancythinking you might appreciate it. bali invited you bothfor that reason alone. lsn't that so bali? your effort has won praise. behari's just said,you look beautiful. l genuinely mean it.
she looked beautiful so l said it. admit though thatmahendra's taste is more discerning. l should have known that jewelsdo not go with bandaged fingers. are you angry with me? then l can't be frank with you. a widow removing her jewels,is it a sign of anger? bali, count thesecarefully before putting them away. l'll leave and send the rest later. have pity. you two are heartless!
what has she got left in life? all she did was totry on some ornaments. you couldn't tolerate even that? you had her remove them right away. you could have saidthat she looked lovely! ls this why you askedfor me? may l leave now? you! here? you can't ask that of a doctor. that bag doesn't looklike that of a doctor.
your friend has sent it. l'm the messenger.you can't reproach me. you're irreproachable anyway. who has the courage? l know of one. why should l tell you? does anyone give awayhis own elixir of life? why give it away? youcan always keep it safe. on one condition. theelixir remains in this box..
..and the box stays with you. then l will have to emptythe box of its contents. that's between you and your bali. our pact was that.. ..except this piece, lwon't touch any other. l don't accept that. lt's between the both of us.your views don't matter. do they really don't matter? the truth, binodini.
please go to your room, mahendra. what if l don't? then call for a carriage,hold my hand and.. ..take me for a walk by the ganges. lsn't there a middle path? l beg you dear, don't be cruel. you're not, asha. you don'tneed constant explanations. lt's because l'm not ashathat l detest compromise. you lookedravishing in those jewels.
and without them? everyone has a pet name for you.may l give you a name too? let's hear it first. my elixir of life. you know, my husbanddied of tuberculosis. and you, a doctor! how many times have all of us,aunt, bali, myself said.. ..spleen, spleen, spleen. 'l gave in to love..'
..without end.' 'but why, my friend.. ..does my soul still weep?' 'why does it still weep?' who's leaving at this hour? sudama! do people dare to leave thehouse without informing you? lt could only be mahendra.he went to college hours ago. who left just now?
madame binodini has goneto the kalighat temple. alone? with madame asha perhaps.not in the room. leaving without informing me?go look for her once again. had it been someone else, l wouldhave given the ornaments to her. how to spend so much money twice? now that my son is marryinghis wife's sister too.. ..what ornaments should l buy? since they are sisters,would it look right?
twice or ten times,it's still a wedding. lt doesn't happen that nothingnew is given for the ceremony. people will gossip. give her'firpo' bangles., they come cheap. our goldsmith made them formy daughter-in-law recently. you didn't go out then? l wondered if you'd dare. where would l go? l hear your friend has goneto kalighat temple, alone. she went to pray on herhusband's death anniversary.
she could have told me.we could accompany her. your daughter-in-law isstill looking very thin. no lack of milk andcream in her diet. people will say l starve her. bring your 'firpo' bangles.she wants to inspect them. what's wrong? lost them? they're in the box.l'll go and bring them. dearest love. l've written seven letters toyou in the past three weeks.
the proof is that all ofthem are in my custody. when a bride garlands herhusband on her wedding night.. ..she not only brings all herinner emotions and aspirations.. ..and symbolically surrendersthem to her wedded husband. the flowers also imbibe thefragrance of her emotions.. ..to be imbibed by thereceiver of such affections. lf a scrupulously logical groomdecides to remove his garland.. ..the formal processes of marriagedo not suffer any aberration. only the poor bride, radiant with..
..the blossoms of herfirst love, feels unrequited. and the flowers in her soul will belike those on the discarded garland. you have been cautious inreturning my letters to me.. ..because you lack the courageto face society and your wife. all these letters belong to you.they adorn you and you alone. the rightfuladornments on mahendra find a.. ..place of hiding in thedark of my wooden jewel-case. l don't understandwhy l guard these.. ..corpses of my emotions,like an angel of doom?
even though l'm the creator ofthese emotions and the letters.. ..l am not readyto face this insult. the day that, on your own.. ..you accept my letterswith pride, courage and love.. ..maybe that day, l shallstart writing to you again. till then.. ..l release you fromthis endless state of.. ..helplessness,anxiety and indecisiveness. your elixir of life, binodini.
wipe your forehead. lt'ssmeared with vermilion. what's this? l rubbed it off. really, binodini. howdo l go home like this? you make love andshow no signs of it.. ..how's that possible? take my case. l lived witha man for barely a year. he's a ghost by now and lstill carry his mark on me. lf you don't want itto show, cover it up.
you still doubt my love for you? not a bit. can you come withme just as you are, this moment? where? that's not important. can you? l didn't come prepared for that. not prepared? meaning? lf only you had told me earlier.. what would you have done? haven't l sent you acarriage so we could meet in secret?
haven't l met youduring college hours? rub that off. l went to kalighat and boughta basket of offerings for you.. ..so that youwouldn't be caught out. you told them you were goingto the temple, didn't you? yes, saying it was myhusband's death anniversary.. ..the first time l've gainedanything from being a widow. why so long? you'll be gray bythe time you bring those bangles. l've kept the neighbor waiting..
what's the matter? tell me, dear. nothing, mother. you can't hideanything from a mother. what is it? l beg you, mother! beat me, killme, but don't ask me to explain. l will not be ableto tell you anything. you wretched girl.. ..this little area of thebed is what is your space is.
you couldn't even hold on to that? aunt , offerings from kalighat.have some. what's the matter,bali, why are you crying? forgive me, bali. motherwanted to see the bangles.. ..so l opened your jewel-case. lt's not my fault. my revered husband.. l've fought hard with myselfto come to this final decision. believe me, no one besidesgod has helped me in this.
l'm uneducated, don't know english,l am unskilled at house keeping. at first, all this was a causeof shame to me in our house. lt was your love and encouragementthat helped me set that shame aside. l grew used to youbeing my talisman. l cannot share you with another. lf someone worthierhas won your heart.. ..she has done so on her own merit.l have no ill feeling towards her. all my ornaments wereworn to please your eyes. they hold no value forme when you are not there.
l've put myjewel-case in bali's room.. ..with confidence inher sympathy and care. aunt says that we getalarmed over minor setbacks. to the supreme being,the future is transparent. since we do not know the future,we should leave it in his hands. may the lord bless you. may he keep youwell in body and mind. with deep respect, ashalata. tea with ginger or without?
why did asha leave for kashi? didn't she tell you? l'm asking you. answer me! lt's not yourconcern what she told me. where's your rosary? l removed it.- why? to make it easier to fool around? lf you want todiscuss this, come outside. l don't likebackbiting behind closed doors.
where l gossip, back bite or shitin my house, is for me to decide! low-lying snake! look howshe raises her head to strike! l'm not ready to strike yet, aunt. don't force me. what more can you poison?think you can hurt me further? let's see how! l haven't consciously harmedanyone. l've never sinned. did not commit any injustice. your tea is still in your cup.
let's not talk of sin and virtue. you slut! by giving me tea oncea day, you think you control me? greedy witch! you came toa mansion from a mud hut.. ..and you thinkyourself to be a princess! lf l was that avaricious,your daughter-in-law.. ..l would have leftthis house long back. think l don't knowwhat you're after? you have desiresthat can ruin families. my son is the same.
he chose his wife, but thatdid not stop his promiscuity. ls only physical desirea sin? ls gluttony not? as a pious widow, why thisneed for tea every evening? two cups of tea can spuryou to say such things? take your tea back.l'll vomit all of it. madam, what happened?are you feeling sick? move. mother, what happened? what's wrong with you?
mahendra, today before sunset.. ..either that slutleaves the house or l do. you decide within an hour. tell her that there isno need to wait that long. l won't use your carriage. please send someone to hire one. does a personcalled behari live here? come in. you have made elaboratesecurity arrangements.
ls it due to the fearof the white police? could be. even the whitepolice can't beat his english. a relative? he's the same guest ltold you of at the picnic. basanta, come here. show her how to greet a lady. she wants to know howgood you are in english. call me aunt, okay. white. black.
you really know your english. tell me what is 'hide and seek'. ''luka-chhupi' very good. shall we play 'hide and seek'? where will you hide? l'll hide and then call out to you. didn't you say that l lookedgood in jewels the other day? you look beautiful today as well.
there's just one problem. tell me when you wish to leave.l'll call a trusted coachman. lf l say, no need for the coach. that l will spend the night here. tell me that well in advance. l'll find another place to stay. why, behari? you are a cultured, modern doctor. you handle men andwomen's bodies regularly.
they are sick men and women. l'drather not think of you as sick. basanta is ready. he's calling you. and you? l'm not playing hideand seek with you. that's not why l am here either. l came here to speak frankly. will you marry me? how do l make youbelieve me? what should l do? careful, this is a bachelor's room.most things are untouchable here.
joke, tease, and make fun of meall you want, but some other time. please do me this favor. l have come here to seek shelter. l thought, you were doingfine being sheltered there. there's no recognition inthat shelter. no respect. l heard a different story. lt's the respect you got there.. ..that made asha leave hershelter and leave for kashi. you give me shelter now and..
..l'll see that asha's respectand recognition is restored to her. you admit that you hada hand in removing it? you don't have to love me. you can go on loving bali. you want her happiness, surely? lf l move away from mahendra,asha can get her husband back. there are many types of love. l'm not sure which oneyou are referring to. but l believe, lovehas no exchange value.
l've been hiding for so long. coming! l am talking. let me finish. go. open the door. tell me, do you refuse mejust because l'm a widow? you tell me first. do you want me justbecause l'm unmarried? please listen! l could be your maid. l hate seeing you demean yourself,sister-in-law.
don't you darecall me sister-in-law! okay. l'll call you madam binodini. but l still stand by my point. there's no courage inacting like vivekananda. lf you must, gostay at the monastery. don't turn towards family life l've no virtues to be vivekananda.l'm an ordinary person. rejecting a destitute young woman..
..is neither ordinary nor otherwise. lt's called impotence. this viciousness doesn't befit you. cool down. go home. can we talk tomorrow morning? l'll not leave until you establishyour right as a man and a ruler. l dare you! ruler is a bad word, binodini. the whole country is strugglingfor freedom from the british rule.
a country's struggle and awidow's struggle are not the same l've gone through a lot ofmental turmoil before coming here. take me! lf you don't wish to seemy face, close your eyes. l won't mind. you and l hadlovely moments to share. why did you ruin it all at once? he didn't greet you like a lady.. ..so you're crying?
respected behari. your ready praise.. ..when you saw jewelsadorning this widow's body.. ..gave me courage. l don't know when mycourage turned to daring.. bringing this hopelesscreature before you. ln searching for thesource of that courage.. ..l kept making mistakes. ln coming to you, l hoped thatfor once l had judged correctly.
l am sad that thisexperience displeased you. l have threeidentities in our society.. ..that of a widow, anenglish-educated and a young woman. these three haveeclipsed my real identity. society does not see that ayoung woman, educated and a widow.. ..is also flesh and blood. today, l have no shame inacknowledging this fourth identity.. ..spurred by thecourage l see in you. ..can lay claim to your sympathy.
l have forsaken the firsttwo traits of widow and lady. or l would wait aneternity for you.. ..at the kashi riverbanks. l hope you keep well. for me, thereremains a widow's destiny.. ..one that neither you noryour jagadish bose have noted. and probably for the best. now all will return to normal. l know you are an atheist.
even so, if you everbelieve in a great truth.. ..please pray thatin some other life.. ..l may be reborn as acompanion suitable for you! ln hope of forgiveness, binodini. 'life, dear life, don'tgo away and leave me.' 'lf you go away from me, life..' '..who will love me?you tell me, life!' you? let's go.
wherever you were going. that day when you walked out,with barely nothing on you.. ..l thought you had won. but l will also not give up. l'm just a couple of days late. l want to go to behari. you want him as a witness? no, l want you as a witness. will you request him on my behalf?
l know he will not refuse you. fasting won't helpyour anger. come eat. no need. let my clothes dry. l'llleave by the next train. turning away from the doorstepof a home brings bad luck to it. come in, at least. allow me to welcomeand serve my guest. will you really serve me? you'll not turn away the guest?
that's my marriage bed. he died here. there's no proper bathroom here. can you wash near the well? behari has gone away. he left a boy namedbasanta in mother's care. then l know where he has gone. he has gone to kashi why? because asha is there?
because l'm meant to be there. that's what l wrote to him. will you take me to him?promise me you will. l promise. you must protect methe entire journey. don't fear any advances from me. l could be weaker than you. you must stop me then. l'll try.
what is the guarantee thatyou'll keep your promise? what guarantee do you want? tell me, where did you get thestrength to make this promise? do you want the truth? this is a prize for good conduct. you love this body.don't you, mahendra? don't you know that? lf l poison myself, mybody will be dissected. you won't like that.
eat. god has blessed you. lnform your mother-in-law.tell her you are pregnant. l'll become a mother! what am l to do withthis innocent one? please give up your vowand start eating fish again. that will be a sin, aunt. lt's a bigger sin if you don'tfeed it to the one in your womb. come here.
can we sneak in a little fish? '..who will love me?you tell me, life! ' 'oh! my beloved beckons meand the river is in between.' lf you were a man, you couldwell be a prince driven by lust. that requires courage. perhaps l would, becauseof the courage within me. why accuse me of cowardice? l left my wife, mother, evenmy home to be here with you. you insist that l lack courage!
you didn't leave her mahendra,it is she who left you. lf she had retained herstatus in your house.. ..you wouldn't be here living withme on the banks of the river ganga. you know that very well. you also know, deep within your heart,that if she returns to you now.. ..you'll discard me this second,here, in the middle of this river. you will have to live with her. let's go in. lt's chillyand you'll catch a cold. you asked if l wanted anything.
a vendor came sellingshawls in that household. he had a red one that l liked.will you buy it for me? you'll wear red (thecolor of fertility) l have the courage to wear red.lf you don't, l won't wear it. l'll buy it, but remember.. ..if behari sees you in it,he also won't approve. you wasted money,paying for this houseboat. l can still go back. shall l? don't regret it later.
you made me promise. otherwise, this moment youseem an object of desire to me. nothing more. now.. ..you seem quite thelust driven prince. what's wrong, binodini? don't you want a child? l know that you do. or would l deny you anything?
what's happened? she yearned to be hereand give herself to god. lord vishwanath kept her wish. ls she dead? how did they know? she lay in that state all week. the herbal doctor said so. yetthey've sent for a physician. where's mahendra? haven't you come for me? aunt passed away.
where is mahendra? when the end was near,she kept saying. observe a widow's feast aspart of my funeral rites. people feed priests,give offerings to cows.. ..to crows, to jackals, even trees. but no offeringsare made for widows. conduct the rituals for the widows. has bhabhi been informed? l came here to give her the news.
l met her by the riverbank. are you planning to go home? yes, he will. go. l've packed your things. at the funeral, place sometea among the offerings. she was very fond of it. talk to the priest about bali. she shouldn't follow thediscipline for these 1 1 days.
talk to the brahmin regarding this. give her some money as well.- l don't understand. thank you for keepingyour promise, mahendra. l don't think l'll ever be ableto pay your fees in this life. why? won't we meet again? even if we do, we shouldn'ttry to settle old accounts. aunt said that there was amarriage proposal for me.. ..which you broke off. l may have.
there ought to be apunishment for that. l will plead in the court. why will the judgemelt upon seeing you. any special reason to think this? let him fine me then. and if the fine is to be paid..l'll work as a maid in his home. what if l lay downanother punishment? no penalty is new for a widow. the punishment l want topropose would be new, l assure you.
what is the punishment? you will have to marry me. ls that a release bondfor your sister-in-law? no, just like that. you fix a date. l'm ready. open up. open up or thepunishment will be more severe. badi maa would say that..
..in a place of pilgrimage,everyday is auspicious. l'll come tomorrow morning. be ready. l'm running away fearing thatthe wedding feast may fall short. this letter is for bali. please give it to her. begging your forgiveness, binodini. my dear friend, bali. there are differences on thesurface between the two of us.
still, we became bosom friends. we were happy at darjipara street. that was our small universe. this was our universe.call it our village. sharing our lives despiteour superficial differences.. ..is not new to thehistory of our country. hence we didn't doanything new, bali. does that mean that wehad no inner connection? we did.
we both wanted to havefamilies of our own. as l said, we hadn'tseen nothing of the world.. ..outside the innerquarters of darjipara street. within those walls, we tried tomeet our desire for a family life.. ..with the one manwho ruled our world. and without success. lt shattered our tiny world. lf lord curzon's lawcomes into force.. ..you and l would live innot one country but two.
residing in those two countries,if we brood on the insults we bore.. ..the disappointments we faced,then we have lost the battle.. ..before it has started! bali, our country iswithin our hearts. lf there is a link between us, ifyou believe in the vow we took.. 'earth below, heaven above,forever we'll promise to love.' ..then what canlord curzon do to us? the day l left darjiparastreet and came to kashi ..that's when l first realizedwhat a country really means.
till then, l hadonly read in books.. ..of a world beyond the kitchen,courtyard, shutters.. ..and petty rules of home life. l thought it was all fantasy. the mahabharat tells us,how abhimanyu.. ..became a great warriorinside his mother's womb. the child in your womb batheddaily in the ganges with you. l urge you, bali,whether boy or girl.. ..don't cage it within thattwo-storeyed darjipara street house!
your child one day will showyou what a country really means. ever yours, choker bali. she left no address? no, l asked in hervillage and searched in kashi could she have left kashiafter writing so much about it? she didn't write about kashi.she wrote about the country. maybe she has found someother lndia and has gone there. will have to go a bit early today. lf l do not start now,the meeting will start.
are you off? l'll leave early today,mahendra. the meeting will start. be careful! lt's notthat safe outside. l'll see you. despite all the disputesbengal was partitioned.