sean plott: hello, ladiesand gentlemen. and welcome to the show, thevery first ever debut. my name is sean plott. bill graner: and i'mbill graner. sean bouchard: and i'msean bouchard. sean plott: and welcome tometadating, whereby we will be playing through romanticallythemed video games and basically making fun ofthem, as best we can. because here's the basic idea.
i'm sure many of you beautifulnerds out there have played your skyrim's or your gearsof war or starcraft. and that's great and fine andwell and good, in terms of beating someone else andcrushing someone else for victory, et cetera. but there's something magicalabout the idea of a romantically themed video gamethat, how do you crunch something as abstract andamorphous and impossible as dating and relationshipsinto a game?
what structure? is there like a first personshooter game where you fire cupid arrows or whatnot? we're going to explorethem all. and before we do, i figured thatwe should introduce who everyone is. i'm sean. i'm one of the seanson the show. i live in south central la,which means that you'll be
hearing a lot of constructionand explosions and police sirens and the like. and i'm host a showcalled the day[9] daily, where i do video gamestrategy and analysis. i'm like this super,hyper, mega nerd. and i talk a lot. so this is an ideal mergingof my interests. and i've dated before. i have some qualificationsthere.
and i'll throw it to bill. who are you man? bill graner: hey. hi, my name's bill graner. i'm an independent gamedeveloper and proud small business owner in theus of a here. i live right now in berkeley,california, hoping to move into san francisco someday. but you know rent there,so whatever.
yeah, we make little gamesover at crater house. and i've also dated before. i specialize in longterm dating. sean bouchard: it'sa class perk. bill graner: i'm on mysecond girlfriend. but i've been dating forprobably 16 years, total. which i guess is more thanhalf my lifetime. sean plott: there's theaccumulated statistic. it's like [inaudible].
sean bouchard: yeah, right. bill graner: right. exactly. so i'm here to help propel ustoward stardom and help you to be entertained and intrigued. sean bouchard: my nameis sean bouchard. i live not far from seanplott, actually. i used to be roomates withhim, but no more. i work at an educationalresearch games center called
the game innovation lab atuniversity of southern california. and i also work with billon his indie games, crater house stuff. so i just get around. sean plott: now that we got thatout of the way, let me just note that we all went tograd school together and were pretty good buddies there. and rather than just hangout with each other,
we created a show. sean bouchard: yeah. that's what we do. bill graner: so that we can hangout with you too, right? like faux interactivity. sean plott: so i wanted to talka little bit about what the first game that we're goingto be playing is, as i'm like the host, which meansthat i am here to guide everyone throughthe experience.
because we're doing romanceand dating, we're going to begin with the canonical,classic example of romance in video games, the japanesedating sim. yeah. [inaudible] are x-rated, so we're not goingto do that in the debut. in fact, i recently found out,as in like 30 seconds before the show, that i can'tcurse at all. so this is going to be anadventure, [inaudible]
tactfully dance around thosewords, because i am respectful of the show. what better dating sim tobegin with then hatoful boyfriend, where we are going tobe embarking upon dating in a school for mentallygifted birds. every character in thegame is a pigeon. and, of course, most of youare all, oh, that's crazy. it's from japan, of course. sean bouchard: oh,unbelievable.
bill graner: sure. sean plott: you guyshave played any japanese dating sims? i know we had to do researchfor this show. bill graner: i try to keepmyself as fresh as possible. so you might think i did. sean bouchard: i've certainlyplayed games in the visual novel genre in the japanesedating sim style. i don't know that they wereactually from japan.
but i'm familiarwith the genre. bill graner: you know what,i've played hidden object games before. i know that those arenot the same. those are more american. sean bouchard: same thing. sean plott: what's ahidden object game? is that where it's like youmatch the cards and you flip them over?
sean bouchard: no. bill graner: sort of. it's like where there'sa romance. there's like, prince edwardwants you to be his vampire bride, so first please clickon the shoestring and the candelabra now and then. it's the new thing, as faras story telling games. they started as where's waldo,and they've just gone completely off the hook.
sean plott: i like how youstarted with an explanation. you're like, it's whatpeople do, alright? we all stay up until5:00 am with these, right guys, every night? [inaudible]? sean bouchard: oh yeah. sean plott: total lonely nerdstyle, forever alone. but hopefully we're going tofall in love with some birds. let's do it.
sean bouchard: i'mexcited about it. sean plott: the classic tropeis, of course, that these relationships take placein a school. sean bouchard: yes. sean plott: [inaudible] atschool while battling, juggling of dating. i went to an all guyshigh school. i didn't. it wasn't.
bill graner: you didn't doa lot of dating there? sean plott: not in the school. yeah, but-- oh that's right. we're all drinking beer,i forgot to note. i don't want a description. i found out that we mustbe drinking some kind of imported beer. sean plott: mine is fromthe stone brewery,
imported from san diego. really good. this one of my favorite ipas. i feel like we're all drinkingfake imported beer today. bill graner: no, mine'sfor real. ok, to be honest, i felta little dirty. because i do loveimported beer. but i especially loveamerican microbrews. and so when i went to the storeand had to look past all
of them, i went to the onlyimportant that i really love, which is newcastle. sean plott: whichis [inaudible] no sponsor. this is like commercialpractice. sean bouchard: dude, ami supposed to plug. i thought, in the spirit ofthe japanese dating sim, i went with some asahi. bill graner: so good.
yeah, you win. sean plott: we should'veall gone for sake. i can't print out stuff,but it's [inaudible]. sean bouchard: i coulddo that, yeah. next time. we'll do it one delayed. we can drink fromthe last show. bill graner: drink fromthe last show. sean plott: yeah,inspired from--
bill graner: and pour oneout, for all my homies. sean plott: withoutany further ado-- sean bouchard: yeah, there'sa lot of ado going on. sean plott: all right,here we go. bill graner: let's do it. sean plott: i'm loading it upfor the first time ever. and i double clicked thewrong executable. that is [inaudible]. sean bouchard: that's arookie mistake, sean.
sean plott: oh. bill graner: is that a crab? sean bouchard: famous writer. bill graner: there's the firstpigeon of the day, my friend. sean plott: watch this. bill graner: pigeonationincorporated. that's awesome. sean bouchard: oh mygod, that's so-- bill graner: yes.
sean bouchard: thisis amazing. bill graner: this is more thani could have hoped for. this is what you needafter a day of work. sean bouchard: look at thatcast of characters. sean plott: i know. an ensemble. bill graner: they're justlike lovely sky rats. sean bouchard: the name of thegame is helpfully abbreviated for us, hb, so that we canrefer to it by shorthand.
sean plott: yeah, do youwant to play some tf2 or hb later tonight? bill graner: hb. is this hateful or heartful? sean bouchard: i thinkit's heartful. sean plott: it's likea play on words. sean bouchard: lookat that heart. look at how full ofheart that is. sean plott: here we go.
we're going to do anew game, at st. pigeonation's institute. welcome to st. pigeonations. please enter your name. dating? bill graner: what? ok, sure. sean plott: meta. sean bouchard: there we go.
sean plott: is dating meta ok? sean bouchard: sure. bill graner: i mean,already this is-- we're on the other side ofthe world already here. sean bouchard: i know. sean plott: now this is talksabout something with voice credits and how greatthe voices are. except they're notin the game. i'm just going toskip past it.
if you got the japaneseversion, you would love these voices. sean bouchard: right. sean plott: but reads. right, click to show a menuwith more options. i'm not going to read that. st. pigeonation's a schoolblessed with extensive curricula and facilities. it's already been a year sincei ended my ordinary life and
walked through these gates. this music really putsme in the mood to get with some birds. sean plott: i should probablysay, this school is known for one thing in particular. this school is japan's-- no, the world's greatestgathering place for gifted birds. birds who want to study the artsand sciences even sports
all come to st. pigeonation's the teaching staff and studentbody are both made up of a diverse blend of birdsof different backgrounds and species. i'm often asked why ichose to come here despite not being a bird. sean bouchard: this isdefinitely a classic trope. so i haven't watched a lot ofanime, but i've definitely seen this before at the lake,the one guy in the school--
everybody else isspecial somehow. sean plott: like everyoneelse is female? sean bouchard: right, exactlylike that or birds. sean plott: birds. you know, it's a metaphorif you're from england. bill graner: thisis like, yeah. in the united states,x-men is about if you're somehow strange. and japan, you'renot a mutant.
you're a bird, i suppose. this better have something todo with nature spirits. sean plott: it says,it's a long story. not every day i see you rushingalong like this. oh! bill graner: you can tellexactly where the lag is, because like that pigeon hisus all equally hard, right when we saw it. i've been ready forhour by now, meta.
sean plott: usually, you've beenready-- oh, you read it out loud, bill. bill graner: sorry, dude. i stepped on your-- sean plott: do you [inaudible]all of ryouta? bill graner: kind of. i mean, although, to be honest,through the connection sometimes i can't readit too well. so i jumped on the chance.
i hope i didn't step onyour tail feathers. no, continue. sean plott: overslept,says ryouta? ahh! sean bouchard: i don't knowwhat any of this says. bill graner: yeah. sean bouchard: thisis a problem. sean plott: kawara ryouta, we'vebeen friends since he was barely hatched.
which means-- no, he'd just been hatched. i thought he was afriend as an egg. he can be a littlemischievous. but he's responsible and kind. breakfast was-- sean bouchard: interestinglike background flash. sean plott: yeah, where it'sjust like you're suddenly in a conversation, like he hadsome sort of giant ohh!
i can't relax withoutred meat inside. bill graner: that's, um. ok, well, let's just takehim at his word. let's just see wherethis goes. sean plott: ryouta,living as a hunter gatherer sounds tough. i'd be happy to make youbreakfast you know. to which i say, i might takeyou up on that offer when starvation looms.
thanks, ryouta. bill graner: if you werethe last pigeon in the world, maybe. sean plott: we've got thecharacter of jerk, i guess. bill graner: how are wesupposed to read their expressions. they just all look surprisedand angry. sean plott: i like thebird thing, where it's just this constant.
right? sean bouchard: there'sdefinitely-- it lacks subtlety, i think. sean plott: it's ok. sean plott: well, weneed a perk class. jeepers, no good being late onthe first day, says ryouta. and so ryouta pulled mealong into the school. today is the startof any semester. i wonder what lies in store.
it was all i could do toadjust the atmosphere better make up for allthat lost fun. pigeons-- sean bouchard: what? bill graner: lost fun. sean bouchard: lost fun, ok. bill graner: is this likereferring to something that happened in the past? bill graner: it waslike a tragedy?
sean bouchard: this is likeit's throwing us in in the middle of the action. except that we're talking tosomebody outside of a school. bill graner: yeah, well, i can'twait to make a decision of some sort. sean plott: yeah. i'm going start speaking-- sean bouchard: sure,let's do it. sean plott: if we can get toa decision point where we
actually have action. first term, yes. sean bouchard: look at howsparkly those pigeons are. i'm excited. sean plott: now my [inaudible]does cover up the m in term, but that's all right. sean bouchard: that's fine. bill graner: i'm a littleconcerned, after grand theft auto for awhile, i had thiscompulsion feel like i should
steal cars when i saw them. i'm wondering if, after this,i might feel a little weird around pigeons. stay tuned. sean plott: [inaudible] looks like ryouta. bill graner: i know, i'm goingto be like, that pigeon's really go through stuff guys. you don't understandhis world.
no one's had feelingslike this before. sean plott: i thinkwe're in 2-3. ryouta and i are in thesame class again. old faces, new faces, a strangethrill fills my heart as i look around at allthe assembled birds. bill graner: somethingtells me. sean plott: i hopewe get along. here's to the formation ofmany happy memories. i guess i'm just talkingto myself.
sean bouchard: yeah,i think you are. sean plott: i don't know. i'm actually curious, if,in college, you had this experience where whenever you'denter a new class, you'd walk in and scan the room likethe terminator and all the girls would turn red. bill graner: yep. sean plott: ladies. bill graner: you instantlyplan out your
life story with them. and then you never make good. sean plott: you nevereven approach them. bill graner: be honest. be honest, now. sean plott: want to studyfor that midterm? no? well, me neither. want to get coffee?
because i know that that's likehuman males try to get with a girl, but they're tooscared to just go, do you want to go on a date? do you want to get coffee? sean bouchard: getcoffee, yeah. bill graner: yeah, get coffee. because if it's terrible,you can just get it to go, i guess. sean plott: in the line,and you've already
decided you hate her? bill graner: you're just like. no sean plott: i always felt likeasking a girl to coffe is another way of saying, say,no, to me gently. i can't handle actual,[inaudible]. oh, the teacher's here. ohh! sean bouchard: everybirdy, oh god.
sean plott: good morning,every birdy. bill graner: you got toappreciate that in a translation too. sean bouchard: oh, yes. no, somebody really cared. bill graner: so theyreally did. i mean, if they had done thiswith the bible, even through the aramaic, like i'd bereligious right now. sean bouchard: i havea problem with this.
i don't have a problem withpigeons specifically. but i can't read anythinginto this character. this is the professor. i can't even tell if it'smale or female. bill graner: if the the pigeonhad clothes, maybe. sean plott: [inaudible]this game. i'm going to startblasting ahead. sean bouchard: do it. bill graner: yeah,let's do it.
sean bouchard: we'regoing to absorb it. it's impressionistic. sean plott: let's try tohang onto the story line as much as possible. but yeah, let's inject alittle fuel in here. i seem to be your teacher thisyear, she said unsure. i specialize in mathand physics and also some other things. it's homeroom.
he sleeps with his eyes open? sean plott: nice. we're going to learn a littleabout our bird. this quail is-- bill graner: nanaki quail,his famously soporific math professor. keep that in mind. sean plott: expected him to fallasleep just like that. apparently, he's well knownas a mathematician.
he just goes to show, greatminds come in all forms. bill graner: said the birdabout the other bird. sean plott: i'm sorry, isn'tit a little warm in here? which reminds me, we havea transfer student. please, introduce yourself,shirogane. oh, check out thatarray of tail. bill graner: the plumage. sean bouchard: whoa. sean plott: that's a finemating display.
sakuya says, whatis the point? i have no wish to speakwith commoners. do not think i'm here becausei wish to be. well, i guess that's fine. hey, hey, hey, that'sno [inaudible]. bill graner: whoa. i like ryouta. he gets it. sean bouchard: ryouta is goingto start something.
sean plott: but he doesn't wantto introduce himself. we can't just let him breakthe rules like that, sir. the system will collapse, andwe'll turn into kulaks and dissenters. this is my dialogue. bill graner: kulaks? what is a kulak and is that aterm we should be saying? i feel like it's. sean plott: do we wantto look up kulak?
bill graner: is it pc? sean bouchard: yeah, i do. i'm curious. sean plott: well, whenyou put it like. could you at least sayyour name, shirogane? to which she says, dotdot dot dot dot dot. sean bouchard: lots of dots. sean plott: le bel sakuya. bill graner: that'spretty good.
sean plott: there's a lot ofinformation about these birds. sean bouchard: affluentrussia farmer? sean plott: is a kulak? sean plott: that's obscure. sean bouchard: i don't knowwhat to do with that. bill graner: its feathers wouldmake any birdy proud. sean plott: any birdy, wow. what a translation. bill graner: are we female?
what are we? bill graner: what arewe going for here? sean bouchard: it's unclear. it's really unclear. sean plott: i'm going to assumethat we're female. no hatoful boyfriend. sean bouchard: oh,yeah, right. sean plott: this didn't occurto me until right now. so we are a female in a schoolfor gifted male pigeons.
sean bouchard: right,yeah, totally. sean plott: he's prettystuck up. but then transferringis never easy. i hope we can be friends. really? sakuya sits down, glaringdaggers at ryouta and me for having to introduce himself. i think this little bird istelling me [inaudible]. sean bouchard: oh god, sakuya.
sean plott: lunch already. sean bouchard: already, huh? sean plott: today'shappening to us. the days go by so quickly. that reminds me, i've hadthese books out from the library all summer. i'll return them now. where is everyone, asidefrom the receptionists? there's hardly any birdy here.
bill graner: this any birdything is just going to get-- it's just staying withus, isn't it? sean bouchard: i like thatchime, that pay attention to this question mark chime. sean plott: well, there arepeople who are just going to click, click, click, click. totally. sean plott: i'm almost. thus far, it's communicating tome that most of dating is
sort of drivel, just sortof [inaudible]. sean bouchard: you stillhave to get through it. bill graner: we can probablybring it a little-- we might be able to speedit up a little. aiee, another. sean plott: or not. a mourning dove standsin a dark corner, staring in my direction. sean bouchard: oh, jesus.
sean plott: they're notvery common in japan. but apparently they'reeverywhere in america. bill graner: yeah, we'resick with them. sean plott: i say, and did youwant something from me? that's so hot. nageki, ohh. he looked away. not really, says nageki. i'm pretty sure it was himwho i felt looking at me.
there's no one else here. are you sure, says meta? i like a consistent girl. that's why i play one inthis school for birds. nageki [inaudible], i don'twant anything with you. it's the things you'recarrying that i'm interested in. bill graner: if youknow what i mean. sean bouchard: ok, i expectsome explanation there.
bill graner: what'sour inventory? do we have an inventory? hit, i. sean plott: yes. she should say, hurry up andreturn them already. oh, sorry, ehehe. this is me talking. they were a little too dense,and i never finished them. were you waiting forthem all summer?
he says many dots. he silently returns hisgaze to his book. maybe he's in a bad mood. i'm dating [inaudible]. i think we chose agood name guys. bill graner: wait, sothis is our second? oh wait, did we transfer oris this our second year? sean bouchard: no, thisis our second year. we already did a year of this.
there's not even a fish outof water thing going on. so yes, i am the only humanat a bird school, but i'm used to-- bill graner: that's alreadyjumped the shark. sean plott: you're comfortablewith it. there's no problem. sean bouchard: exactly. sean plott: fujishiro. bill graner: nageki, freshman.
sean plott: he's a freshman. now we get a little informationabout who he is. [inaudible]. dude, are you [inaudible]quickly? [inaudible] or fujishironageki, huh? i'm going to start clickingthem real fast. sean bouchard: let's just go. sean plott: [inaudible]a little something. leave me alone.
he's reading his book. bill graner: he's readinghis book again. i'm sorry to bother you. sean plott: oops,i did something. now that i have that out ofthe way, i think i'll head back to class. wait, isn't that, oh. sean bouchard: i recognize-- bill graner: [inaudible]right in front of you.
sean bouchard: him, sakuya. who's the other one? sean plott: i don'tknow this bird. bill graner: it couldalso be sakuya in like a different pose. i mean, what are we supposedto do here? we just literally didn'tevolve for this game. i mean, i don't. sean plott: you should havebeen instructed not to
approach me in school. come on, sakuya-- this is the other bird. this is yuuya. sean bouchard: yuuya, ok. sean plott: what kind of thingis that to say to your [inaudible] all these years. my brother, you mustbe joking. you've never once beena brother to me.
please, don't try totalk to me again. i've no time for half breeds. i'm going now. hey, wait just-- bill graner: slytherins, man. sean plott: disintegratingbirds. [inaudible] even though we're inthe same school now, what's done is done. i hadn't meant to eavesdrop,but i think i overheard
something juicy. ever popular trendsetter andladies' man, sakazaki yuuya-- bill graner: ladies' bird. sean plott: that's right,because we are a lady. that's right. sean bouchard: ok, let'skeep the men of the ladies' in mind here. sean plott: this is theit bird right here. i want to get--
sean plott: i wonder what thestory behind that is. hey. sean bouchard: how do youpronounce that, sean? sean plott: yu uya. just the exclamationpoint in quotes. sean plott: oh, i pronounceit, ring. bill graner: i pronounceit, hah hum. sean plott: i don't know ifyou've watched a lot of anime, but that seems tobe like whenever
the exclamation press-- [gasp] sean bouchard: ah, yes. was really surprised. well, it looks like we heardthe whole thing. and matter of [inaudible]. bill graner: i'm sorry. sean plott: whoa. i didn't mean to listenin on you.
oh my god. bill graner: was thatan emoticon? sean bouchard: thatwas amazing. sean plott: [inaudible]. now that is exactlylike real dating. i don't know about you,but i [inaudible] messages like-- sean bouchard: look, sean,real dating now, the kids these days, it all takesplace over text.
bill graner: it does. i mean, most relationships areheld together by emoticons at this point. you could be just a decayingskeleton in a chair, and as long as someone's stolen yourcell phone you can be a happily married person. sean plott: like have you everread something you sent to a girl, like two years ago? you don't talk to her anymore, but you like read.
isn't that terrifying? sean plott: of all thesentences, two had periods. all the rest had exclamationpoints and happy faces. i'm not that excited aboutanything in life. bill graner: now you makeme want to punctuate. sean plott: as expected,yuuya says, ha ha. no sweat. what a ladies' bird, man. sean bouchard: yuuya.
bill graner: i try and stay sexyand suave in front of all of you little ladies. sean plott: that therewas too cool. sean bouchard: i'm trying toimagine a situation in my life where i would say this line. sean plott: i mean, how wouldyou have pulled this situation off, ladies' man sean? sean bouchard: that'sa good question. i don't usually refer to myselfas sexy and suave in
conversation. and i certainly avoid the term,all you little ladies. bill graner: actually, that'seither western or insulting. sean plott: so do you saylike, i try to stay well groomed and hygienic? [inaudible] peoples. sean bouchard: yeah, exactly. no, that's my strategy. that's how i roll.
sean plott: nailed it. well, let's find out whatyuuya is doing. bill graner: we haven'tdone anything yet. we haven't actuallymade any choices. sean bouchard: no we haven't. sean plott: well thisis the visual novel. sean bouchard: yeah, thisis how this goes. bill graner: ok, sure. sean plott: this fan-tailpigeon, this sakazaki yuuya,
an upperclassman, i've neverreally [inaudible] famous or infamous throughthe school. every birdy knows of him. sean bouchard: i'm learningso much about ornithology. bill graner: yeah, i know. sean bouchard: this isa fan-tail pigeon. sean plott: how did you? i know every birdy here. besides, you're theonly human.
sean bouchard: so, in the eventof the question, are these birds inordinately tall orare we inordinately short? sean plott: they're justinordinately close, bill. when they have conversationsthey come like six inches to your eyes. i'm [inaudible] sexy andsuave, little lady. right on. at least let me getmy class schedule. besides, you're only human.
a single poppy in afield of wheat. sean bouchard: oh,that was classy sean plott: not exactly. we had a rather ballisticintroduction this morning. bill graner: nice. sean bouchard: ballistic. sean plott: we're in thesame class, that's all. i'd never have thought thatstuck up aristocrat wannabe was your brother.
aristocrat wannabe? he is an aristocrat, actually,the genuine article in the flesh. sean bouchard: inthe feathers. sean plott: is [inaudible]feathers [inaudible]? [inaudible], he just left. bill graner: noble bird. sean plott: noble bird. sean bouchard: noble bird.
sean plott: probably atwisting business. [bells ringing] sean plott: back to school. that's all for today. stay safe everyone. yay! huh? sir, where's ryouta? he said he was goingto the infirmary.
maybe you should go seeif he's still there. oh my god, now that i thinkabout it, ryouta always did have a weak stomach. she was [inaudible] redmeat this morning. sean bouchard: he? sean bouchard: yeah,what happened? pigeons aren't very good atkeeping their food in, in the first place, i don't think. sean plott: dude, yeah,that's true.
sean bouchard: that is true. bill graner: that infirmaryjust has to be like a speckled, white floorcovered in, ugh. sean plott: yeah, to think aboutit, ryouta always did i should go to the infirmaryjust to make sure he's ok. all right, we're theonly female. meta, excuse me. dot, dot, dot, dot dot,no birdies here. oh crud, he said, beingrespectful.
no one's sleeping behindthe curtains. and the doctor isn'there either. bill graner: that's actuallya bad sign in japan. sean plott: in america,that's quite common. you just take a number. my hunter gatherer instinctsfeel no presence. there's no birdy here. sean bouchard: wait, becauseyou're a human-- i'm just now getting this.
this was from like the thirddialogue page at the beginning of the game. i'm the only hunter gathererin this place. sean plott: oh, i see. it's like a mass effect how thevolus are always like, and what do you want earth-clan. sean plott: awful, derogatoryterm for a person. and this one's huntergatherer. it's like, why don't you go huntbuffalo, hunter gatherer.
and meta's like, oh. and all the birds fluff outtheir feathers say, oh, shit. this culture of birds. ok, so ryouta, no reply. the infirmary is empty. weird, did he go home already? i feel a little nervous pokingaround the empty room. now that i think of it, ihaven't been here much before, unlike ryouta, i'm perfectlyhealthy.
sean bouchard: it'sgood to know. sean plott: it's a healthy wayto measure yourself against other birds. whoa, they've got all kindsof drugs in here. bill graner: oh boy, our firstchoice of the game i hope. sean plott: i mean, in likea bird-firmary do have medicinal seed? bill graner: i hope so. sean bouchard: i havequestions about
how they open drawers. sean plott: yeah, i mean, as wego back to the game, there are cabinets here. and there's a sinkwith faucet. how do you? sean bouchard: yeah, i mean, iassume that they use one of their weird little three toeson their foot while just bizarrely staring at somethingelse, because they're birds and stuff.
bill graner: it's just,ugh, birds man. sean plott: ethylpar, tri-fe,lucio benzene. sean bouchard: tri-fe. bill graner: lucio benzene,what does that even do? sean plott: that does sound alot like some vampire from twilight, right? bill graner: lucio benzene. sean bouchard: luciobenzene, yeah. sean plott: oh, someone'sgoing to find out.
oh my god, is it yuuya? who is this bird? bill graner: d-d-d-d-d-doctor[inaudible]. sean plott: i'll feed youall sorts of things if you want, mm. sean plott: well, i'm the onlyhunter gatherer, maybe they just like puke into each othersmouths maternally. bill graner: no, thanks. ["nutcracker suite" playing]
sean plott: i'm glad-- bill graner: is thatthe game music? sean plott: that is. sean bouchard: it's doingthe "nutcracker suite"? sean plott: right. bill graner: sweet. sean plott: does thisgame have the rights to play that song? bill graner: does this cast havethe rights to play that
song, that's the question. sean plott: this partridgeis iwamine shuu, the school doctor. he's rather creepy in person,and a bad reputation among the student body. every birdy knows that justtalking to him can bring you down with aspergillus-- sean plott: psittacosis-- sean bouchard: psittacosis.
sean plott: i didn't realizeit would be a challenge to read [inaudible]. words are spread out,where i'm just like reading these lines. it's like impossible. and i never heard himcome in the door. ninja doctor! sean bouchard: now that'sa game i would play. sean plott: i wouldplay ninja doctor.
[inaudible] wouldmake that game. sean bouchard: yeah,no kidding. bill graner: that's true. sean plott: you know what wouldbe weird [inaudible] be in here. sean bouchard: that isa hell of a doctor. what on earth are you doingin the infirmary? get out of here. sean plott: whatare you, sick?
you don't need lucio benzene. um, i heard ryouta kaware from2-3 was supposed to be here. him, he's already gone. oh, why didn't come findme before going home? i'm a little attachedto ryouta, man. sean bouchard: apparently. sean plott: sorryto bother you. i'll be going now. ahh, finally, out ofthat den of evil.
sean bouchard: that's howi want to think about my infirmary, den of evil. the board of directors at thisschool is doing a good job. sean plott: well, don'tthey have the attention span of pigeons? they [inaudible] decisions. bill graner: the smell ofdeath surrounds you. sean plott: ryouta's alreadygone home, what do i do now?
oh, i never got around tojoining a club last year. maybe i'll go take a lookat some of my options. yes, guys, options. bill graner: cue theoption music. sean plott: we're goingto make a decision. sean bouchard: 42 minutesinto the game. 42 minutes. we're actually going togo way over the-- bill graner: flex youragency muscles, boys.
sean plott: because, i mean, inmy eyes, what makes a game a game is that it's likeinteractive, you do stuff. you are given verbs, likejumping and shooting. bill graner: sliding? sean plott: sliding, yes. bill graner: sleeping. sean bouchard: choosingyour schedule. sean plott: while jumping. bill graner: choosingyour own adventure.
bill graner: kendo. wait, no, bird watching. sean bouchard: ohgod damn it yes. bill graner: that's likepeople watching. it's like creepy if you're birdwatch at this school. sean plott: there's likea club for it. can you imagine it thatwas [inaudible] university people watching. sean bouchard: we haveto do that, guys.
sean bouchard: it's just likea club where you sit in the woods watching people andjust sharpening knives. sean plott: wasn't thereanother [inaudible] track team. i ran in middle school andthat's always funny watching the birds [inaudible]. bill graner: that's cool. wait, did we just join the? sean bouchard: we justjoined track.
bill graner: oh, come on. sean plott: a white dove ishaving a tantrum [inaudible]. oh, look at this dove. sean bouchard: did he hit me? sean plott: i think hejust [inaudible] slapped you. bill graner: pudding? sean bouchard: ow. bill graner: does thatsay, pudding?
sean bouchard: this isno pudding for a man. he's not saying that. that's just-- sean plott: is this like athought that he's having? sean bouchard: what'shappening? bill graner: i thinkwe got punched. sean bouchard: i think we gotpunched, and now we're incoherent. bill graner: this is nopudding for a man.
sean plott: okosan rejects. it is a lie, a visciousfalsification. bill graner: ok. sean plott: he's answering-- sean bouchard: oh! he only speaks pigeon. it's translating for us. i assumed that every one herewas speaking pidgin english. bill graner: no.
sean plott: all right,[inaudible] and i apologize for[inaudible]. we don't even know his cv. bill graner: maybe [inaudible]has a web series. sean plott: he doesn't reallylook it, but he's apparently a fan-tail pigeon, i think. sean bouchard: aren't theyall fan-tail pigeons? sean plott: okosan says, it'sa deception most vile, a wretched betrayal.
betrayal! cooo! okosan instructed that puddingbe provided for new members. but this is no pudding. bill graner: thisis no pudding. sean bouchard: i don'tunderstand the pudding. sean plott: i don't think thisgame has enough of a graphical engine to it. sean bouchard: is it what?
sean plott: squished and filthy,but the thing under his feet looked like normalstore bought pudding. what's wrong with it? coo coo, spare thejests young lady. sean bouchard: wow. sean plott: okosanused wing attack! it's super effective. bill graner: oh no. sean bouchard: ok,that's good.
i did not expect that. sean plott: this bird-- bill graner: it seems awarethat we're playing it. sean plott: dude, i-- this is what this mustbe like for pokemon. you don't make any decisions. you just get thrown outof the poke ball-- sean bouchard: it's true. sean plott: crushing you.
cooo, they'll rue the daythey crossed okosan. he's just upset. and now he's gone. he's a good runner. bill graner: it'sa good sound. sean bouchard: he zoomed. sean plott: and so ended thefirst day of my second semester at st. pigeonations. maybe we make decisionson day two.
that was like orientation. bill graner: yeah, i hope so. sean plott: ok, good, choosingclass council. as you all know, the schooldoesn't require you to join any club. if you want to you can. but if you don't, then you'refree to go home after school. coo. okosan has only timefor the track team.
that's good. what about you, shirogane? a foolish question, i alreadyhold a position here. oh, that's right. you became student presidentwhen you admitted. bill graner: nepotism, ho! sean bouchard: you madepresident upon admittance? that's an amazing system. bill graner: i just love thefact that we were forced to
say the line, nepotism ho. sean plott: isn't it standardin every new game where the main character actuallydoesn't say anything. i think that's to help build asense of involvement, as if you have some sort of say overwhat you do or are going to say or whatever. i mean we're really visuallynoveling here harder than i ever thought we could. sean bouchard: well, ok, so forme a key thing to look at
with games is whyis this a game? why isn't this movie. and if the japanese versionof this was powerful. the japanese version ofthis was voice acted. wouldn't it be better just tosit down and watch this? bill graner: well, i don't know,is the clicking-- all we have control of overis the clicking. why are we clicking? sean plott: because the thingis, first, i read slowly.
i'm reading out loud [inaudible]as fast as i read. 300 page book is a year longexperience for me. there is a book iread in 2012. but also this is standard inthese games, where they like to introduce the characters, andthey want you to really, really know the charactersbefore you decide who you're going to go out ona date with. bill graner: oh, on the way. that makes sense.
sean plott: i hope. i'd imagine. bill graner: well, the otherthing is like, if you notice on the screen there, they'vegot the advance to the end button, the tapeplayer button. what do you think that does? sean bouchard: is thatwas that is? is it going to speedthrough stuff. bill graner: i don't know.
sean plott: let meclick on it. sean bouchard: click on it. sean plott: ahh. bill graner: hey, thatwas a decision! we found it. sean plott: we founda decision. sean bouchard: i wantedto do bird watching. ok, so student council, thestuck up bird is on the student council.
the other stuck up birdis on the track team. and the third stuck up birdis in the library. we only have choices betweenstuck up birds at this point. bill graner: i don't think wewant to date a freshman. i'm thinking trackteam, honestly. sean plott: the onethat came to-- bill graner: yeah, the crazybird is interesting. sean bouchard: i feel likewe can turn him. i feel like we can make himsee that humanity has
something to offer. bill graner: maybe we can sexilyteach him english. it happens-- sean plott: track team. sean plott: that'sthem [inaudible]. bill graner: all right,have fun. sean plott: oh god,what i've-- dude, this is scary. this is like going into a casinowith $10, and you can
only make one bet. dude, oh my god. here's my stats. i have 1 wisdom,800 vitality-- sean plott: is thatmy charisma? is that my charm? sean bouchard: i think it'ssomething like that. bill graner: 800 vitality. so basically there's going tobe something that can nickel
and dime us 800 timesbefore we die. what is that thing? is it like [inaudible]? sean bouchard: i think it'sthe wing attacks. bill graner: is itthe wing attacks? sean bouchard: we usedto have 802. sean bouchard: it's just likerandom, like being pecked and run over like in thelives of birds. sean plott: it wants me toattend math class, gym class,
music class. bill graner: music class. sean bouchard: oh, it'selective day. so that means whateverwe want. we just skip math. sean bouchard: we're not gettingany bird melodies. bill graner: singingtogether was fun. sean plott: a little tiring, butsinging together was fun. meta leveled up.
charisma increased by five. yes. sean bouchard: sick. bill graner: because we reallyneed charisma, because we want to be like the belle of theball here, i think. sean plott: i need to gosign up for track. sean bouchard: oh yeah,we're going to do track, that's right. sean plott: i'll find outwhen i get there.
cool. a meta appears. bill graner: oh, he'sstill pokemoning us. sean bouchard: oh, he'stotally pokemon. i didn't realized thatwas gimmick. i thought that was likea one off joke. bill graner: i know, now it'slike a little bit irritating. sean plott: [inaudible] bird. it's like a chocobo.
sean bouchard: i like this musicthough, this [inaudible] theme. sean plott: just listen. i'm actually about to fightokosan to this music. it says, choose your weaponma'am and draw. a fit he is having, thoughnot over pudding. not really, i wantto join the team. do you know wherethe captain is? coo, he stands before you.
okosan is the captain and afaster bird the world has never seen. i never knew. oh, well, here, forms. thank you. coo, a dove never refusesa challenge. commence the entranceexamination. there's an exam? of course.
track isn't daisy chainmaking missy. excellent. bill graner: this is goingto be like a weird challenge isn't it? sean plott: ok guys, longdistance or sprint. sean bouchard: we havehuge vitality. huge vitality, long distance. bill graner: yeah, let'sdo long distance. we have 800 [inaudible].
sean plott: i do have a lot ofcharm, so i want to sprint. sean bouchard: i think we showhim now that we're looking for commitment. i'm scared. i figure this is going to be oneof these spam click games. get, set, go. how is he so fast. he can't even fly this fast. pant.
no game. sean plott: no game, none. what mini-game do youwant to choose? well, you lost. pant, pant. coo, you're still weak, butyou've got potential. welcome to the team. yes! sean bouchard: all right!
catching up, guys. sean bouchard: we did it. bill graner: we did it. all right. sean plott: so thanks. coo, that's all folks. it's life on the track team. who knew doves couldrun like that? bill graner: who knew dovescould run like that.
sean plott: oh my god. bill graner: whoa,wait a minute. sean bouchard: what is this? bill graner: meanwhile, ina totally different game. sean plott: oh, he's relaxing. i live on a cliff face? bill graner: what the hell? yeah, what are we, man? sean plott: oh, tomorrowis the class hike.
should i prepare anything? we won't be going far,so i don't have to. well, health first, ithink i'll have some udon and go to sleep. sean bouchard: i really thoughtthat was like, should i prepare anything? we were going to get toprepare something. bill graner: like the oregontrail a little bit. sean bouchard: like browniesor something.
bill graner: 12 wagonaxles and a banker. go hunting for buffalo and whenwe kill them, just keep going and hunt formore buffalo? bill graner: i know. sean plott: i playedoregon trail. bill graner: today's found900 pounds of buffalo. you can carry two. sean plott: 20 pounds back. bill graner: who do you want totalk to on this hillside?
sean plott: let's talk toryouta, sakuya, san. sean bouchard: i don'tlike san anymore. i mean, he is a friend. i'm into friends. bill graner: so we're basicallyfriend-zoning him. can anyone explain whosakuya was again? is that like the fuzzy tailed? sean plott: that hugeplumed noble bird. and who's kazuaki?
sean plott: kazuaki, isn'tthat the teacher? no, that's the emo kidin the library. sean bouchard: in the library? bill graner: oh, buthe's a freshman. let's talk to ryouta. sean plott: let's seewhat our friend-- sean bouchard: ryouta. sean plott: ryouta, let'seat together. sure, great view huh?
sean bouchard: whatare we eating? sean plott: huh, is thatyour lunch, meta? yep, it's like a calorie. and it's bleeped. sean bouchard: whatcould that be? bill graner: some sort ofobscene future food. sean bouchard: don't say it ifyou come up with it, but. bill graner: it'sa calorie f--. sean plott: that's apretty sad thing
to bring on a picnic. well, a great man once said,it's the ambrosia of the gods. bill graner: wow, this reallyshoves words into your mouth. it does not just put them in, itpicks them up with a crane and lowers them intoyour mouth. sean plott: dude, like withphrase, nepotism ho. sean bouchard: i have so manyproblems with this. sean plott: in what way? sean bouchard: well, so firstof all, ambrosia of the gods
is redundant. sean bouchard: yeah,it really is. sean bouchard: it doesn'tmake any sense. sean plott: wow, i don't evenknow what ambrosia is, but i'm sure [inaudible] right now. sean bouchard: ambrosia-- bill graner: you drink it,you turn immortal. it's like, i look at it andi don't know how to
salvage that sentence. and secondly, likecalorie mate? i feel like that's leancuisine, right? sean plott: calorie mate. sean bouchard: or it'ssomething like that. sean plott: it has to be. bill graner: maybe it'sa brand name. sean bouchard: did theybleep out mate? bill graner: maybe it'sa brand name?
sean plott: it's for birds. if this were an english visualnovel, they'd bleep out sex, but with birds it's mate. that's what birds do. bill graner: well maybe it'sbecause you're eating like chicken or something and tothem it's bordering on cannibalism. and so that's why he says it'sa sad thing to bring. you literally are eatingone of his kind.
sean bouchard: it's mournful. sean plott: there's chickenextract n there. sean bouchard: i don't think. i'm trying to imagine somebodysaying lean cuisine is like the nectar or the gods. i don't think anybody'sever said that. i don't think that'sa real quote. i feel like i'm makingthat up on the spot. bill graner: i thinkyou are, yeah.
i think we're full of crap. basically, us, as a character,we're just awful. sean plott: i like how, sean,your commentary is that this game is just notvery realistic. i have problems withon a notion-- bill graner: [inaudible]historical and sort of socio-economic [inaudible]are not accurate. sean plott: find outwhat happens. geez, if you eat like that,you'll be dead on the roadside
by the time you get back. here, i'll share mine. sean bouchard: this isthe guy who couldn't get enough red meat? sean plott: i think so. bill graner: oh, sure. are we going to contract hishorrible stomach illnesses? sean bouchard: wait, wait,he's obsessed with food. that's his gimmick.
bill graner: it's his thing. sean plott: you can savethe calorie [dooo] in case of [inaudible]. sean bouchard: i'm interestedin these birds. i'm interested in getting toknow these birds, until i learn what their gimmick is. and then i feel like it'snot worth it anymore. bill graner: i think just to behonest, that's probably how women feel about men.
sean plott: that's probablyfair, yeah. true. god, yeah, one month intoknowing any girl, i'm not funny anymore. i used all my stories. bill graner: i've used allmy stories, exactly. sean plott: if you want to watchmy daily, i'm doing a good show on mechand starcraft. that'll be interesting.
we got an elective-- attend math, gym or music. bill graner: not music,music was-- sean bouchard: no, music-- i want to do math. bill graner: let's do mathclass, bird math. sean plott: i'm not gettingthis at all, says me. bill graner: how stereotypicalof us. sean bouchard: wait.
sean plott: kazuaki was-- bill graner: a littlemore dating. oh wait, dating is our name. sean bouchard: datingis our name. bill graner: thatwas almost cool. that was almost interesting. that was like a lifeline thatthen turned out to be shenanigans throughand through. sean plott: maybe you shouldreview the basics of little
more, dating. our last name. yes, sir. wisdom increased by five. bill graner: sick. i didn't know wecould do that. sean bouchard: even thoughyou failed, ok. no, that's good. sean plott: i want help.
no, your wisdom's better. bill graner: sure, reviewthe basics. er, i imagine you're all wellaware, but the sports festival is right around the corner. please think aboutwhat you'll do. sports festival seasonalready? sean bouchard: what is sportsfestival season? bill graner: yeah, is thislike a thing in japan or something, like a culturalfestival?
sean plott: it's a thingin our reality now. sean bouchard: wait, it's thesecond day of school. bill graner: run 100meters and dine on whale burgers or something. sean bouchard: it's the secondday of school, why is it already may? sean plott: dude, we countnumber of days. we went on a hike. we went to the [inaudible].
sean bouchard: it'smay 16, holy cow. do they have a differentsemester system in japan. bill graner: couldn'ttell you. sean plott: we can fastforward and find out. bill graner: isn't it likesummer is winter there and stuff and everythingis upside down? but sean bouchard: that doesn'tmean they're like-- sean plott: australia is where,when you flush the
toilet, it just comesout up like this. bill graner: in a spiral, ina perfect conular spiral. it's like ghostbusters ii whenthe bathtub fills up. sean plott: ryouta says, if itwere in the fall, it would conflict with the culturalfestival. so it's always been in may. what are you goingto do ryouta. i haven't decided,but probably the three-legged race.
some birdy has to. bill graner: two birdies,actually. sean bouchard: actually,two birdies. bill graner: thank you, sean. we [inaudible] thatone together. that one left left san franciscoand la at the same time and just crossedinto our earbuds. sean plott: do you have alot of stamina, okosan? what about you, sakuya?
you can't possibly be expectingme to run in some race, can you? bill graner: he is fabulous. sean plott: this is me. it is a sports festival. is there an event that doesn'tinvolve running? how about being a cheerleader? the general, in other words. sean bouchard: generalcheerleader.
bill graner: from now on,whenever someone asks me to do something, i'll be like, oh,you mean the general. sure. the admiral. the admiral of takingout the garbage. the king of mopping the floor. sean bouchard: we're notdoing first aid team. i veto that right now. bill graner: yeah, you don'twant bird lawsuits.
sean bouchard: the doctordude was creepy. i do not like the doctor. bill graner: he was,that's true. he's not the one wewant to date. sean plott: so we got tomake some decisions. ryouta's three-legged race,okosan's running a marathon. sakuya is a cheerleader. bill graner: i don't wantto date ryouta anymore. he's too food-tastic.
he's not going to be ableto keep his figure. i can sense that he wouldbe like freshman 35. sean plott: i never did make upmy mind what should i do? sean bouchard: wait untilthe last minute. bill graner: victoryor calorie. sean bouchard: oh,meta dating. bill graner: there's likea joust or something. sean bouchard: you can justgo to the library. bill graner: no, no, no.
sean bouchard: you can skipout on the whole thing. bill graner: no, sir. we are going to participate. and we're going to win. because we're a human. and these are pigeons. come on, man. i say, cheerleaders. i think that this snobbyguy has something
interesting going on. he's got to have a heartof gold somewhere. let's dig it out. heart of gold diggers. sean plott: we haveto choose a bird. we're leading every birdon, every birdy on. sean bouchard: they'reall boring. i don't like anyof these birds. sean plott: pick oneand [inaudible].
this is like when you're witha bunch of friends and it's like, where do youwant to eat? i don't know. where do you want to eat? i don't know, where do you? let's just go to jack inthe box or something. it doesn't matter. bill graner: i just don't ryoutais the right bird. sean bouchard: i don'twant the two that
we've already done. i say-- bill graner: all right,cheerleader, cool. sean bouchard: i say cheerleaderor library. sean plott: there's somethingof a crowd around our cheerleaders. i see sakuya, and hehas a brass band. that's overdoing it. i think i saw something similarduring the changing of
the guard in buckinghampalace. you're here, says sakuya. sean bouchard: i hope he'sgot a beefeater hat on. sean plott: you're not cuttingany corners, i see. naturally not, only abest from le bel. bill graner: e le bel, sothat's his [inaudible]. that's his family name. sean plott: sir, preparationsare complete, sir. tuba, your orders, sir.
sakuya, very well, begin. and so the band began to play. where did he get these people? they all look like-- sean bouchard: are they birdsor are they people? sean plott: these arebirds playing brass instruments, sean. bill graner: i haven't been soconfused about animals sizes since redwall and that must'vebeen a long time.
sean plott: ok, so sakuyasays, you join in? meta, um, ok. i seem to be in chargeof the cymbals. one wrong slip and i'll bethe laughing stock of the playground, yikes. sean bouchard: oh no. sean plott: i imaginethat we don't actually hit any cymbals. sean bouchard: i'm prettysure you're right.
what is this based on? we have wisdom and charisma. oh, charisma. bill graner: i bet we'll justto to hit sticky keys. we'll just hit a shift untilsticky keys happens. that's usually what happensin situations like this. sean plott: sakuya's conductingis awfully flashy. is this the le bel style? [harp sound]
sean bouchard: wasthat a cymbal? sean plott: did i do it? sean bouchard: and nowwe're back in class. bill graner: whoa, come on. sean bouchard: lackof resolution. come on, game. sean plott: did i black out? bill graner: what'sgoing on here? sean bouchard: this isactually memento.
bill graner: it wasall a dream. sean plott: it'slike may 12th. you start to play the cymbalsand you look down it's like, don't trust his lies. and you're like, oh. i'll play the cymbals. let's find out what's up. the first barrier, midterms. we're getting them back today.
aha. sean bouchard: we alreadydid them. ok. sean plott: dating! yes, i replied. hm, i don't think youdid too badly. yes? not to-- hm. no, sorry.
you did badly. what a jerk of a teacher. bill graner: point, game. sean plott: no! try harder next time, ok. i disappointed mr. nanaki. i'll have to studymore from now on. sean bouchard: did we havean option to study? was studying like?
sean plott: i think i decidedto hit the cymbals, join the track team, and notgo to the library. this has been the [inaudible]. with the festival and midtermover, there's nothing to look forward to but summer heat. doves smell kind of funny whenit gets humid like this. there's a bunch of birds infront of the staff room. what are they doing? oh, there's yuuya.
yuuya, what's going on? salutations, meta. brian won his seventhpulitzer. bill graner: wait, brian. can we just screencapthis please? just a screen capture for oldtimes, for posterity. sean bouchard: goodjob, brian. sean plott: look at brian-- bill graner: well done.
sean plott: his previous recordof six pulitzers. he gestures at a news clippingon the staff room pinboard. it says, brian, the firstintelligent pigeon, crowned with again. bill graner: brian. sean plott: brian. this character is asconfused as i am. don't tell me you don'tknow who he is? bill graner: was he like thefirst pigeon who could talk?
sean bouchard: there'slike rats of nimh thing going on actually. bill graner: yeah,it really is. he's like out of the scientifictesting laboratory where they replaced hisbrain with a larger one that barely fits. and now he can conjugateand stuff. sean plott: so wait, so sean,what's rats of nimh. sean bouchard: it's a book.
it was a cartoon, wheni was growing up. bill graner: yeah, i remember. it was sort of terrifying. sean bouchard: it's aboutthese rats who live in a junkyard, who are intelligent. and they talk and makestuff with their little hands and whatnot. and it turns out that they'rethe products of some insane experimentation.
bill graner: it's nimh. it's basically the nationalscience foundation. true story. sean bouchard: they make crazyintelligent rats, then let them escape into junkyards,where they build stuff. sean plott: dude, they'rehatoful rats. sean bouchard: hatoful rat. sean plott: so, i think i'veheard the name before, i say. oh, look.
dot com. bill graner: he began when birdswere barely intelligent. sean plott: what happened? bill graner: this is great. we are getting somewherenow my friends. sean bouchard: so i'vehad this suspicion. i feel like the art team quithalfway through this game. bill graner: yeah, i meanthere's definitely a lot of magnetic lasso going on here.
sean bouchard: we've done ui. we've done backgrounds. what more do you want? sean plott: well, we dida joint promotion with pigeonblog.wordpress.com toget this pigeon award. bill graner: wait, isthis like a cross promotional viral ad. let me just navigate here. sean plott: it wasn't enough.
and he had to be like, no mybird won seven pulitzers. bill graner: there he is. oh my god, you guys, dude,go to that address. sean bouchard: is this a? bill graner: seriously,it's there, man. sean bouchard: is thisa subculture? bill graner: thisis a real thing. they've gone all the way here. we're in the rabbit hole now.
sean plott: look at that. sorry for the lack of posts. for a few days. look at, ooh. bill graner: i'm going to lookat his oldest and most unintelligent posts. sean plott: dude, oh my god,that's brian, look. sean bouchard: whoa! sean plott: dude, brian!
brian's, there's like21 pulitzers. bill graner: me, brian pigeon. he started in 2005. what is going on here? sean bouchard: i had noidea this existed. bill graner: i want tofind more about-- bill graner: welcometo the first ever diary of a london pigeon. well, in all fairness, i camefrom hays, which is not
strictly speaking london. it's close enough. and let's face it, it's as goodas you're going to get. because not many ofus pigeons have mastered the art of blogging. more's the pity. you'd never know though, ifenough of them can be something, something to readthis, it might just catch on. pigeon friendly cyber castsare, as a result,
hard to come by. so posting might be alittle irregular. although i heard-- bill graner: when it's slow. anyone to know it, let meknow in the comments. this is a picture of mom. she sent it to meas a birthday-- sean bouchard: is thisactually brian? is this first personfrom brian?
sean plott: well, let'sfind more about him. he's the world's mostfamous blogger. wait a minute, he again whenbirds were barely intelligent. oh my god, he's very skilledand insightful writer. he was the one who suggestedthat the dove olympics be called the pigeolympics. bill graner: i guessi just didn't peg this for a true story. sean bouchard: what anamazing suggestion.
i understand now why hehad seven pulitzers. sean plott: wait,look at this. why don't you try looking himup right now, mon ami. brian the pigeon isso transmedia. yeah, he's on linkedin. dude, he's on linkedin! sean bouchard: this isan arg you guys. i'm pretty sure we fellinto a rabbit hole. bill graner: dude, i don'tthink this is an arg.
i think this is a actuallya documentary. he's a ceo at fashionfurniture rental. it's the greatersan diego area. we could go look him up. oh wait, no, i don't thinkhe's a pigeon, actually. this is a different one. he graduated from ut austin. ok, enough. if this is not, infact, in our--
sean bouchard: backto the game. back to the game. bill graner: forgetwhat you've heard. sean plott: google him. bill graner: googlehim yourself. sean plott: so lunch isover, adieu, meta. all right, let's makesome decisions, man. sean bouchard: you canjust hit the button. sean plott: dude, bam.
should i go to the store,infirmary, or cafeteria? sean bouchard: notthe infirmary. bill graner: wait, the store. we'll probably find the reallyrich pigeon there buying things, as opposed to thecafeteria where we'll just find hungry pigeons. sean bouchard: oh,yeah, store. bill graner: store. sean plott: i don't really needanything, but i think
i'll go to the store. is this like a stereotype, aswe're the only human female? bill graner: i think so. sean bouchard: thatseems unfair. sean plott: i've never reallylooked around there before. wow, they've got all sortsof things for sale. though these nest buildingmaterials look like what you'd find in a human store's trash. my, how mature of you,mon ami, planning
to settle down already? oh, my god, is it yuuya? bill graner: allthe questions. sean plott: yuuya! bill graner: how did you? ok, wait a minute, recap. who's yuuya again? is he the one who lookslike the rich-- sean plott: [inaudible] theupperclassman who's always
macking on the lady birds. bill graner: and is he likethe evil-- he's like the shunned brother ofthe other bird? sean bouchard: no, he'sthe popular one. he's the-- bill graner: isn'tit the same bird? sean plott: it's sakuya. bill graner: there's sakuyaand yuuya, right? sean bouchard: right, sakuya isthe younger brother, who's
kind of an ass. bill graner: ok, so let's gowith yuuya then, i think. although is just continuing inour endless flirtation with all the birds. sean plott: dude, ok,no, that's not. i'm still a highschool student. this is meta. that may be so, but you know wedoves reach sexual maturity within a year of birth.
bill graner: oh boy. sean bouchard: that justraises more questions. sean plott: guys, we can'tcurse, because it will be inappropriate. sean bouchard: we don't wantto warp young minds. sean plott: but pigeonsdo become sexually active in a year. they do? that seems a little hasty.
bill graner: hasty. sean plott: what a summer. sean bouchard: oh, hasty isexactly the right word. bill graner: your love, ofcourse-- yeah, he's coming on too strong. sean bouchard: he's comingon real strong. sean plott: dude,he's popular. let's get with him. come on.
why, i, yuuya, that's. we're not. i'm not good enough? oh, well, i'll have totry again later. bill graner: ugh, this guy. sean bouchard: oh man. sean plott: is this how he talksto every girl he meets? bill graner: i just wouldnot want to be in a room with this guy.
sean bouchard: no, ithink it's rude. i think it's [inaudible]. sean plott: i want tolet to it slide. bill graner: call him on it. sean plott: god, he's popular. sean bouchard: sean. sean plott: dude, [inaudible]. bill graner: we can't have thisin pigeon human society. this is not cool.
sean plott: dude, all thepigeons want his bird seed. and he hangs out at the store. that's so cool. i bet he drives an awesome carwith this little feet. sean bouchard: hislittle feet. all right, ok. sean plott: dude, ok, no, thishas to be consensus, because we're playing together. bill graner: i vote for rude.
i vote for rude. i think we want toget with the-- i still think that the richguys got a heart of gold. sean bouchard: theyounger brother? you think the younger brother? sean bouchard: i agree. sean plott: your bird cage isgoing to be empty for life, you know that? you're going to diewith it empty.
sean bouchard: you have tohave standards, sean. sean plott: sean, these arebirds, come on, man. this bird talks. sean bouchard: he isroyalty, all right. sean plott: oh, my god,that's right. he's related to sakuya. that's rude. well, let me. i think that's a littlerude, yuuya.
what is? that sort of loose talk, likei'm a game or something. bill graner: that's so meta. sean plott: that is meta. you know that's the firsttime a girl has ever said that to me. sean bouchard: there you go. sean plott: dude, ourchances are still looking good with yuuya.
i like it. bill graner: by girl,does he me human? sean plott: thankyou, mon ami. i'll carry this warning in mypigeon heart forever, adieu. sean bouchard: wordsare cheap, guys. i don't buy it. sean plott: i can still, likeif i saved right now and loaded it up after the show,do you think he'd want me? i think you actually picked theright thing in the choose
your own adventuretowards him. sean plott: what elective arewe doing, attend gym? we haven't done gym. sean bouchard: gym. sean plott: we already went tomath class, maybe we can-- sean bouchard: i likemath class. i want to get good at math. sean plott: you want toget good at math? sean bouchard: i wantto get good at math.
it'll be a high paying job andschool all these pigeons. sean plott: literally. bill graner: i mean,we haven't done gym class yet though. we could have a billionvitality. sean plott: it's compelling. i always find myself wonderingwhat the math we learn is good for. hey, i majored in math.
what the hell? well, you're a human though. sean plott: coo. and now we can draw a lineperpendicular to the zzzz. sean bouchard: oh my god. sean plott: oh, they'reall falling asleep. sean bouchard: the fallingasleep before a professor really bothers me. sean plott: it doesn'tbode well.
bill graner: it's likeraw [inaudible]. it's just like no time was spentthinking about this guy. sean bouchard: we got fivemore wisdom guys. sean plott: today is tanabata. bill graner: of course. sean plott: there's probablya bamboo tree in the plaza this year too. i think i'll go make a wish. sean bouchard: it soundslike a real.
sean plott: dude, lookat this invasive-- bill graner: let's justsay, christmas. sean plott: christmas. sean bouchard: oh, bill. there's lots here already. sean plott: my mother stayhealthy this year and make my stomach get better. bill graner: oh, ryouta. sean bouchard: oh, ryouta.
bill graner:[inaudible] again. sean bouchard: wait, are youreading other people's wishes? bill graner: that'skind of low. sean bouchard: i feellike that's not ok. sean plott: oh yeah, it's likeone of those prayer books, where they write and they slipunderneath like the assortment of candles. and we're supposed to prayfor all them underneath. except we're justopening them up.
sean bouchard: what'sthis one say? sean plott: ryouta'smother's sick? that foul bird food. and may my stomach--wait a minute. seems like a prettyselfless bird. bill graner: oh, it's in-- impossible is not-- sean bouchard: frenchis not impossible. sean plott: or impossibleisn't french.
i don't actually-- bill graner: didn't go france. sean plott: i never-- bill graner: why isit sideways, too? you'd think we'd holdit differently. sean bouchard: that's weird. sean plott: can you hear thesong of the stars above? may they send you happiness,mon ami. yuuya.
bill graner: wow. interesting, so theseare love letters. oh, i got you. and this must be likethe track guy. these are love letters. sean plott: that's right, hedoesn't speak english. bill graner: yeah,that's right. this is his greatest dream. sean plott: what shouldi wish for?
sean bouchard: oh gosh. conquer the by force. rule the world fromthe shadows. become a famous artist. sean bouchard: fromthe shadows. from the shadows. bill graner: from the shadows. sean bouchard: i'm amaster assassin. sean plott: now, i just wantto note that this is what
interests me aboutdating games. is that they give you achoice that like this. i'm thinking how didi get with yuuya. you guys might be thinkinghe's rude. i, [inaudible]. sean bouchard: ok. sean plott: and everywhereelse. i feel it in my tail feathers. sean bouchard: sakuyafor life.
sean plott: how do we rule theworld from the shadows? sean bouchard: so, wait. that's wisdom. this is going togive us wisdom. bill graner: take the reins ofpower through clever schemes and rule the worldfrom the shadows. sure, math. sean bouchard: right,exactly, math. bill graner: is thatyou, dating?
sean plott: there's my teacher,who's in to that. is that you dating? please, call me meta. mr. nanaki! sean bouchard: wait, have weventured down this path? is this where we're going now? bill graner: is thisour lot in life? sean plott: maybe. he's educated.
he has a stable job,teaching me math. bill graner: yeah, buthe looks pretty old. you can tell. sean bouchard: he does. he has a stable jobteaching me. sean plott: i'm not goinganywhere for three years. i know [inaudible]. that's as long as i'min school, man. he can buy me [inaudible]materials from the store where
yuuya hangs [inaudible]. sean bouchard: it can bedangerous for a girl out in-- where are we? sean plott: we'rein christmas. bill graner: pigeonation,i think. we're in christmasville. sean plott: i was aboutto head home. would you like me towalk to your place? no.
fine. always go with the hotchoice, right. ok fine, yeah, yes. sean plott: yes,the hot choice. sean bouchard: thisis terrible. this is terrible. bill graner: we're going to getthe whole pigeon school closed down. sean plott: dude, yuuya andthe teacher, it's like
collecting ethers infinal fantasy 7. you don't [inaudible] one, youjust want to have 99 of them. please. yes, please, i say. get there one time. master nanaki demonstrate someextreme sleeping on the way home, but we arrivedeventually. sean bouchard: is extremesleeping an internet sport? sean plott: extreme sleeping?
bill graner: it is now. sean plott: like the redbullathletes where they chug a redbull and jump out of anairplane and nap for a mile. man. if you have a good dream, youhit the ground and you die. [inaudible] you're a bird. bill graner: it'sjust like apm0. sean plott: kazuaki says,your house is very-- bill graner: sorry.
sean bouchard: i can't help butthink that he just ends every sentence withthe word, dating. bill graner: dating. come on, earth-clan. i it this way, says meta. i like my rustic-- bill graner: yeah, whydo we live in a cave? will this be revealed? sean bouchard: i don't know.
i think this is studenthousing. sean plott: you just have acliff face open [inaudible]. that'll be $10,000 a semester. bill graner: is it possible totell what's normal and what's not normal in japan? this is probably how it works. you live in your little hillsidedwelling, looking down on pigeon town. and then every day you walk downabout three miles, down
the path, and you have to makesure there's no char marks on you from your little cookingfire the night before. are we a cave man? this is what i want to know. are we like a cave man? a simple question. is there an fa committee? sean bouchard: all of the signspoint that direction. i can't believe i didn'tsee it before.
bill, this is likethe end of lost. sean plott: it was a dream. here we go, guys we have about10, 15 more minutes to get with someone, so [inaudible] everybody. bill graner: let'sjust do this. let's, you know. sean plott: just wonderfulindeed. he looks a little sad.
um, sir? see you tomorrow. don't forget your homework. so he left somewhat a hollowsounding farewell echoing behind him or was it justmy imagination? bill graner: so what happened? sean plott: i'm going to do-- sean bouchard: nothinghappened. sean plott: i'm going todo hatoful brevity
and only hit the-- sean bouchard: yeah, do it. sean plott: all right, mathclass, come on teach. sean bouchard: oh. is this swimming? sean plott: what did i? sean bouchard: sakuya. sakuya. i don't know whatthe question is.
who is most likely tomurder somebody? sean plott: well, sakuya's anaristocrat, so probably him. ha ha, even the hominidrecognizes my spirit. ha ha. that's harsh. sean bouchard: hominid. sean plott: they dive withperfect synchronization. yikes, they're both. another decision.
bill graner: they don'tswim do they? sean plott: oh! sean bouchard: join him. sean plott: join him. bill graner: i do feel that wemay want to actually read some of these things, buteven quickly. because i just feelirresponsible answering these questions. sean bouchard: i'm curiouswhat the structure of the
questions is, actually. like i'm curious what are thequestions that it asks. sean plott: a hunter-gatherer'sbody is her way of life, so maybei'll go running. sean bouchard: interesting. bill graner: what isgoing on here? sean plott: [panting] sean bouchard: are you running? oh my god!
bill graner: whoa! sean bouchard: post-apocalyptic bill graner: maybe we wenttoo far forward you guys. that was a good run. sean plott: ah, that was goodrun, a true running girl's way to start a vacation. i wonder how far i ran? i lose track of wherei'm going when i get the runner's high.
where am i? i must have walked--fast forwarding. oh, geez. wow. bill graner: get a job. sean bouchard: get a job. get a job. sean plott: i think a saw aflier at the station hiring high school students.
cafe? fast forwarding. sean plott: what! sean bouchard: thatis so much. sean plott: give the job toryouta man, i want him too. give the job to him,his mother is sick. sean plott: mr. agah. sean plott: dude, who do i-- bill graner: sakuya.
bill graner: let'sinvite sakuya. sean plott: really? sean plott: not the teacher? come on, we've goneto math class. sean bouchard: no, sakuya. sean plott: he walked us home. you mean it, really? sean bouchard: really? bill graner: we can't condone.
sean bouchard: i can'tsee the teacher. sean plott: sakuya. you've got nerve to callme out during vacation. what is it? oh, right, you justmoved here, so you wouldn't have known. today's the festival. let's go together. festival, what's that?
you'll come and to understandwhen you see. what in the? shops, food, good funfor all around. people can't possiblybe eating food prepared like this. it'll be unsanitary. it's madness. don't worry, there haven'tbeen any reports of [inaudible], there were reportsthree years ago?
yep. [inaudible] the panic-strickensakuya around the festival is a little troublesome. bill graner: [inaudible]. i wholeheartedly agree. sean plott: and so thenight wears on. when did you buy thatcandy apple, sakuya? they had interesting colors,so i thought i'd buy one. bill graner: i mean he'ssort of a bird,
that's how a bird thinks. sean bouchard: mountit in a case. sean plott: you wanted the birdthat mounts it in a case? it's mazy. ahh. bill graner: ah, homesweet home. sean plott: slept too late. school starts. nothing.
oh, hello, dating. sir, i'm sorry. i overslept. ahh, my homework. i forgot to bring my homework. aren't you getting a little bitahead of yourself, dating? what's the number in the topleft hand corner say. sean bouchard: august 30th. sean plott: you're justa little bit early.
sean bouchard: i don'tknow what that means. what's happening? sean plott: i thinkit's fall term. sean bouchard: did we comeon the wrong day? we went to school onthe wrong day? sean plott: dude, kazuakiwants me to help him with something. i'll assist. lend you a hand, says meta.
i was about to start grading thefreshman exams and thought that maybe you could help ifdon't have something else. of course, you have a test inseptember, so if you want to go and study-- bill graner: no, no, no,not the library. that's where freshmanboy hangs out. we got to hang out with thisguy, because return. no, wait. sean bouchard: return tomy glorious abode.
bill graner: you're abode-- sean bouchard: that's amazing. bill graner: i mean, is therea way to upgrade our house, because it's literally justthe entryway to a cave. sean bouchard:micro-transactions bill. bill graner: right, exactly,free to play, pay to win. let's do this guys. i've got like $1.50. sean plott: so i spent themorning grading tests in the
air conditioned staff room. oh, i see. sean bouchard: oh,air conditioned. bill graner: it hasmango in it. sean plott: weak tea, isthat a euphemism, bird? bill graner: what are youtrying to say, bird? bill graner: always. sean plott: what is this fun. sean bouchard: whatis this fun?
oh man. sean plott: get with sakuya? sean bouchard: i'mregretting it. i hate all of these guys. bill graner: it's gotto be kazuaki. sean bouchard: i thought thepoint of this was to like create all of these charactersthat are so attractive it's difficult to choosebetween them. sean plott: dude, but they'reall so awful, it's difficult
to choose between them. it's the same levelof challenge. bill graner: but it's alsodifficult to know when you're choosing between them. sean plott: a student id? someone from 2-2, a namei don't recognize? should i go blah blahblah a little blah? bill graner: is 2-2like another zone? sean plott: fast forward!
let's do some math[inaudible]. sean bouchard: ah god. sean plott: i'd hoped forsomething a little more interesting from an elective,but this is dull. skip, skip, skip. sean bouchard: whoa,what happened? sean plott: guy's, maybe ishould invite him along. sean bouchard: invite him. bill graner: invite him along.
sean plott: sakuya! sean bouchard: sakuya! sean plott: do youneed something? you're free today, right? want to go look 2-4'shaunted house? sean plott: a haunted house is awaste of time, nothing but a foolish charade of commoners by commoners and for commoners. bill graner: they lovethat phrase.
sean plott: oh, you don't go. nepotism, ho. sean bouchard: nice. no, you have some negotiationskills. sean plott: oh, i suppose itmight have some value. since i have no other pressingmatters to which i must attend, i shall accompany you. sean bouchard: how hard would itbe, like honestly, guys, as game designers, how hard wouldit be to restate the question
before it gives youthe choices? it's got that button in thetop right hand corner. you know that people aregoing to press that. and they're going to go to aquestion, where it's like, invite him along? bill graner: and you know thatpeople in play testing-- someone has used the fastforward button. and so this must alwayscome up as an issue. maybe it's just morefun this way.
i mean, i don't know. sean bouchard: isit punishment? sean plott: stumblingaround [inaudible] vegas. bill graner: it could be. sean plott: slot machine. well, it's like, do youwant to place a bet? and you're like, on what? and they're like, do youwant to place a bet?
and they're like,well, you lost. and you're like, can iplace another bet? and i just hit the fastforward button. [bzzzz] sean bouchard: shit was prettyexciting when we discovered that was sukuya. sean plott: what isthis madness? a haunted mansion. what on earth is that?
no, that would aninja mansion. bla bla bla. sean bouchard: aninja mansion. bill graner: wait,a ninja mansion? nice. sean plott: i can't see. why is it dark in here? bill graner: oh, this is cool. we're in the ninja mansion.
sean plott: aagh. bill graner: something nasty. sean plott: aagh bill graner: ah, my underwear. sean plott: agh, aiiee. you're not supposed to kickthe [inaudible] buddy. sean bouchard: oh, it'sa haunted house. it's halloween guys. bill graner: this is fun.
this is pretty good. sean bouchard: september25th, halloween. sean plott: i've never seenhim this worked up before. anyway, i'm glad he enjoyed it. i think? sean bouchard: i think? bill graner: sakuya's got maybea few too many problems to really bring-- oh, hey. sean bouchard: sidewith kazuaki.
bill graner: kazuaki. never with shu. sean plott: that's notvery nice doctor. what do you want? hello, dating. bill graner: like teacherlike pupil. sean plott: i'm going to juststart fast forwarding as fast as possible. drink it!
bill graner: they'reon to us, man. sean plott: drink it. no, what are you doing? ok, and, and. sean bouchard: i think wisdomleveled up, because we drank the unknown medication. bill graner: good. sean plott: i'm going togo look at whatever. sean bouchard: that'sa good lesson.
that's a good thing to teach. sean plott: sakuya, yes! dude, we're consistent[inaudible] guesses. ha, how long haveyou been there? how unpleasant. no, i just came over here. it sounded beautiful. i never knew you could play. i'm amazed yo can practice andstill study enough to get such
good grades, sakuya. bill graner: he doeshave a nice-- he's got sides. he's got depth. he's like an onion,noble onion. sean plott: sorry,i'll go now. don't mine me. what? no, stay.
sean plott: what do you love? bill graner: ooh, here it is. yes, let's get into it. sean plott: why thisall of a sudden? bill graner: it'sbeen worth it. let's do this. udon. sean plott: udon, truly? sean plott: yep, ieat it every day.
bill graner: oh, weso failed at that. sean plott: we suck. bill graner: come on. sean plott: god, we're awful. bill graner: whatis our problem? sean plott: what iswrong with us? bill graner: she'sjust a cave man. i don't possibly understandyour love. sean bouchard: shame spiral.
sean plott: that's what thegeico commercials showed me. december 8th, we getour finals back. sir, top of year this time. well done. sean bouchard: all of that mathclass really paid off. bill graner: shebeat shirogane. sorry bro. sean plott: grr. sakuya is glaring daggersat me again.
how nostalgic. yipee. it's winter break. christmas party at le bel's. my family is buddhist so ihadn't had anything planned. i might as well go. in think i'll-- all right, we're goingto go to this party. and we're going to wrap up.
sean bouchard: oh,fancy party. bill graner: wait, thisis the buddhist? sean bouchard: no, no, no, i'mbuddhist, so i didn't have plans on december 24. bill graner: meta is buddhist? sean bouchard: metais buddhist. or my parents are buddhists. bill graner: is that whywe live in a cave? sean bouchard: is that whywe live in a cave.
i don't know, bill,that that's right. sean plott: it soundsreasonable. let's keep exporting andfind out more about our embarrassing self. sean bouchard: this is[inaudible]. "jingle bells" is not going to get old. sean plott: stone agelifestyle, wow. bill graner: it's the firsttime we've really just admitted to ourselves thatwe live in the stone age.
sean plott: every year,don't be foolish. we have one every month. creating a habitat for socialdiscourse is a noble's duty. bill graner: it said duty. sean plott: feeling overwhelmedalready? poor foolish common-- cooo! bill graner: oh is this thatguy, the crazy one? sean bouchard: it's san.
sean plott: this establishmentlacks pudding. bill graner: he's goingto destroy it. buckle up, because he'sgoing to go nuts. sean plott: oko, you dog,why are you here. i never invited you. bill graner: oko is basicallythe cave man of pigeons. sean plott: dude, coo. okosan sensed a feast and camein through the window. but there's no pudding.
i wouldn't give you, evenif you would have-- bill graner: that is low. this is low. these guys, i feel like-- sean plott: you genetic-- sean bouchard: whythe hostility? genetic throwback. bill graner: he's a littlebit of himself. sean plott: meta's beentrying to get with
sakuya for like 20 minutes. bill graner: i think sakuya isjust really deeply insecure about the pre brian days, whenpigeons were just pigeons. we got to let them have at it. sean bouchard: ok, i'llwatch a fight, sure. bill graner: cool. sean bouchard: okosanhas a wing attack. sean plott: [inaudible] atonce, dirty mongrel. okosan rains chaos and viledestruction on the
establishment for a little whileand then flies away. sean bouchard: viledestruction. bill graner: misery andspilled eggnog. our work here is done. sean plott: the sun's majesticbrilliance sweeps across the land, lighting it intoincandescent glory. that translation. it's the first dayof the new year. looks like i'm still aliveto enjoy it from my cave.
my home in sun is warm. and i think i'll govisit a shrine. that's [inaudible]. there are lots of birds herealready and most of them are bla bla bla. sean plott: saving. sean bouchard: saving. bill graner: all right, good. sean plott: you know, i guesswe wrap up episode one of
metadating. bill graner: i just, i feel waymore confused than i did when we started. is that normal? sean bouchard: i'm honestlysurprised. i thought this was going tohave a very different narrative bent to it. these guys are alluninteresting. i don't care about anyof these guys.
sean plott: i hatethe pigeons. bill graner: and we foundourselves, i think, we didn't really dig deep intoany one pigeon. because they wereall so lacking. and i think maybe this justdemonstrates the female point of view in high school,where it's just all the boys are horrible. and in this case, they'repigeons, horrible pigeons. and so, really, all the womancan do is to go back to her
cave at the end of the day andhope to wake up on sunny morning and visit a shrine. the end. sean plott: maybe this a wasan example of just my own personal flawed datingtechnique, but i wanted something to just happen. any choice, i was like, allright, let's get a date and it was like math class,gym, music. i was like, math issexiest one there.
bill graner: yeah, it's like wewere building up levels and levels of subtlety thatwere just crafting bit by bit a sculpture. and this huge, enormoussculpture that would take years to craft. and that sculpture is one tinybit of interesting anything. and so, really, justgot to say, what? sean bouchard: from a gamedesign perspective, i feel like there's a disconnectbetween the game
and us as an audience. because this game would work. i feel like this game wouldtotally work if i were intensely attractedto pigeons. if i had a reason toreally want to be with these pigeons-- bill graner: as opposed to justto see like what would physically have happened,out of the sheer size differentials and stuff.
sean plott: part of me wants toafter we get off, just like hit the next, next, nextnext until it's like, you've got a date. because i mean a lot of theother japanese romance visual novels are like crisply paced. it's like, how do you want todecide your class schedule? you've decided it. it's friday night. what do you want to do.
and it's like stay in and study,go on date with ben. and you're like, isthat [inaudible]? bill graner: the game was bad. sean plott: is that a choice,honestly, truly? but at the very least, i hopethat you bill and you sean got the chance to-- and of course, all you beautifulviewers at home-- got the chance to see kind oflike what a japanese romance sim is like.
sean bouchard: no, itwas interesting. it was interesting. i don't know that i'm verycurious [inaudible] into the genre. bill graner: i'm very curiouswhat kind of machinations were happening under the surfacethere that never came back to us. i mean, at the end of the gameare you you're presented with here's what happened,here's what we did?
sean bouchard: we scored thebest on the final, right, because we went to mathclass so many times. like that's the waythe world works. the more you go to class-- bill graner: we irritatedsakuya or sakuake. sean bouchard: it did seem likethe game was tracking us towards sakuya. i wonder if that's because ofa decision that we made. sean plott: but man, come on,there was never an option,
like date a bird right there. sean plott: it's like, thisis the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. i don't play any instruments. i have a stick. and they just ran away. and i'm like, no. so embarrassing. bill graner: the other thing iwonder is how many miles and
miles of text did theywrite for this? like what other things couldwe have done in this? what were the [inaudible]costs? sean bouchard: i think there'sa lot of text. i think there's a lot of text. what kind of stuns me aboutit, as someone who grew up with choose your own adventurenovels and like that kind of thing, is how few branchingpoints there seemed to be. my whole conception of thevisual novel, the interactive
novel, is that you write a bunchof text, because there are lots of different pathsthat you can take. and this really felt like itthere were much fewer paths. they were just really long. sean plott: i like hitting next,and it was like, drink it or don't. bill graner: and youjust drink it. sean plott: not me. i'll drink it, [inaudible]
me as a person. meta, the character i control,i don't care about her. it could be like acid. there's a jar of acidon the track field. do you drink it? i'd be like let's justguzzle it man. we don't even need waterto chase it. get it in. bill graner: that'sthe other thing.
that little fast forwardbutton is like a regret machine. because if you don't hit, youspend your life wondering what else you could be doing. and if yo do hit it, you arejust waking up, memento style, in the middle of a situation,like do i shoot the guy or do i drink the stuff or do irun around the track? sean plott: well, either way,i'd say i'd describe myself as having a successful time,with you fine gentlemen.
sean bouchard: thiswas gun, yeah. bill graner: this was good. sean plott: [inaudible]confusing. i think this is good. bill graner: you're going tohave weird dreams tonight. sean plott: the point of thisentire show is to explore how video games depict romance andwhat sort of [inaudible] provide. sean bouchard: this is agood starting point.
this provides a touch stonefor us going forward. we're going to alwaysbe able to compare back to hatoful boyfriend. sean plott: pigeon dating, it'sdown to math class, drink it, and leaving. bill graner: well, i got tellyou though, there's something that still bugs me. and that is that this game hasa very strong, very extremely large, strong following.
so i want to know what didwe not experience? sean plott: part of me feelslike what's tough about doing a game on dating is thatdating is so much about getting to know someoneand the personality. but honestly, i would justprefer someone to be like the love of your life is at thetop of that platform. now dodge these flying objectson this platform for you to get her. and i would be like,i love you so much.
jumping when i get them. victory, high score,like to me that's. bill graner: i mean, maybethis is what-- sean bouchard: donkeykong dating. bill graner: right, this iswhat would've happened had there been no donkey kong. your princess is notin another castle. your princess is one of theselackluster people-- sean bouchard: obsessedwith pudding.
bill graner: that you justrun up against every day. sean bouchard: i appreciatethe choice. i appreciate the idea that likeit's a game about dating. it's a game about gettingto know people. i totally get that. i just feel like there's adistinct lack of agency. there's a distinct sense ofstuff is just happening to me. and that's ridiculous. this is like the harrypotter situation.
it's some crazy, wackyboarding school. i'm the only humanat this school. i should be doing stuff. i should be having adventures. sean plott: it should'vebeen an mmo. sean bouchard: should'vebeen an mmo. bill, how do you solve theproblem of everybody wanting to be the only human? it's tough.
you can't do it. bill graner: i'm not convincedthat everybody wants to be the only human. it think especially the cavemanangle is really sort of off-putting. if it was a 3d rendered world,we would be able to tell how tall we were, whichwould be great. and maybe you'd also get aglimpse of someone as they were still coming towards you,instead of just like [thwck].
sean bouchard: i actually, ilove the idea of a fully 3d rendered world that just hasbillboards of photographs of pigeons that arepoorly cut out. bill graner: and hereat crater house we can make that happen. sorry. sean plott: what i would say isthat i would give this game 9 out of 10 stars. sean bouchard: for a givenvalue of star, sure.
sean plott: dude, i am sothrilled at the chance to able to tell someone that i playedthis game, so 9 out of 10. sean bouchard: definitely. bill graner: you knowwhat i want? i want mail. i want email from people who arejust-- there's got to be people who are livid that wedidn't get it or something. and i want them to just. i want to hear about that.
sean plott: that'sfeedback@day9.tv. i look forward to yourhatoful email. bill graner: i didn't know therewas an address for that. sean plott: yeah, totally man. bill graner: sick, dude. sean plott: we takethis super serial. well, until next time,i'm sean plott. sean plott: and this has beenthe first episode of hope to see you next monthfor episode two.